Making New Friends
Speak to other kids around you. A good way to show another person that you would like to be friends with them is to say "Hi" when you see them. Make eye contact, smile, and say hello. If you know the person's name, say, "Hi ____." Be sure to speak clearly so the other person can hear you. If you are shy, practice with one of your family members. Always smile and say hi in the hallway when you see the person again. You want to seem as friendly as possible.
Give a compliment. Paying someone a compliment shows that you are a pleasant girl and that you are open to being friends with other people. Pay attention to the other kids at school and try to identify one nice thing about them. You can then give them a compliment about what you have noticed. Keep the compliments simple such as: "Your hair looks really nice!" "I like your shirt. It really suits you!" "You did a good job on your project!" You can also follow up a compliment with a question to get the conversation started. For example, "I like your shirt! Where did you get it?"
Start a conversation. Saying hi or giving a compliment is a good way to start a conversation. When you are speaking with someone, you should share your likes and dislikes. If you are asked a question, answer the question, and then ask the other person a question. Do not be a conversation hog. It is important that you share information about yourself as well. Friendship is a two way street. Listen when the other person is talking and do not cut them off. Wait until they are finished before you begin to talk.
Be kind to your classmates. Doing something nice for someone else is another way you can show someone that you like them. You do not have to do anything big. Let someone borrow a pencil or a piece of paper. Offer to help carry something if a classmate is overwhelmed. Share some candy or another treat at lunchtime. Do not give away money or other things that are special to you. You do not want someone to be friends with you just because you give them things.
Look for people that have similar interests. In order for a friendship to grow, you and the other person should have things in common. Common interests will help your friendship grow. What type of things (e.g. music, TV shows, movies, art, sports, etc.) are you interested in? Observe other kids in your class to see if they have some of your interests. Are they wearing a shirt with a movie character or band on it? Do they use special folders that are linked to their interests? Ask questions to see what they like. For example, "Hey, have you seen ___? It's really good!" or "Do you like ___?" Do not pretend to like something just to be friends with someone. If you want to have a best friend, you need to be honest and show who you really are. If you are shy and you notice another girl that keeps to herself, this would be a good person for you to approach. You two can probably understand each other better than the popular girl who is the life of the party. If you are involved in an extracurricular activity, you know you have at least one common interest with that person already.
Invite the person to hang out. Once you have found someone that has some similar interests, ask them if they want to come to your house to hang out. You can also suggest an activity the two of you can do together. Spending one-on-one time with a person is the key to establishing a friendship. If the person is coming to your house, think of some activities the two of you can do together. Pick activities that both of you will like. You want the person to have as much fun as possible around you. Some activities you may suggest include riding bikes, painting your nails, watching or going to a movie, or baking cookies. If you can't think of anything, ask your parents to help you come up with some ideas.
Turning a Friend into Your Best Friend
Exchange phone numbers. Ask your friend if she has a cell phone and what her number is. Text her first one day and see how she responds. If she texts back and asks questions, she is probably interested in developing the friendship. If she does not text back or gives you one word answers, she may not be interested. Texting is also a good way to have conversations if you are shy or get nervous in person. You can get to know the person, so it is easier to talk in person. If you text her and she never responds, do not continue to text her. Wait to see if she will text you first. You should not always be the person that initiates conversations.
Be patient. It will take time to go from being friends to becoming best friends. You have to get to know the person really well and allow the person to get to know you. It may take many months before someone becomes your best friend. Some friends are not meant to be your best friend. There is nothing wrong with staying regular friends. Over time, you should be able to tell if the person wants to be your best friends as well. They will put time and effort into your relationship.
Build trust. A best friend is someone that you can trust. You must also show this person that you are trustworthy. Do not talk about your friend to other people. If your friend tells you a secret, do not tell anyone else. If you are ever worried about something your friend tells you, let your friend know that you are worried and suggest the two of you talk to an adult that you trust. If you and your friend get into an argument, work it out with your friend and do not tell other people.
Try a new activity together. Doing new activities with someone else will create a bond between the two of you. It is even better if the activity is something that neither one of you has tried before. You can then create a special memory for just the two of you.
Spend time with your friend regularly. If you do not see your friend on a regular basis, it will be hard to take your friendship to the next level. How often you spend time together will depend on both of your schedules. Try to make plans in person. Do not be too pushy or overbearing when you ask. If your friend seems hesitant about making future plans, back off. Let the person know that you're happy that the two of you are friends and you look forward to hanging out with them. You could also text the person after you hang out and say, "I had fun today. Can't wait to hang out again!"
Focus on the things you have in common. You are more likely to become best friends with someone that you share similarities with. You can talk about your likes and dislikes, but spend more time on the things that both of you like. If you tend to laugh at the same type of jokes or have similar taste in music and movies, you have greater chances of becoming best friends. You will not like everything about your potential best friend, but focus on her good qualities and the fun times that you have with her. Keep in mind that the more time you spend around someone, you will begin to pick up some of their same behaviors. Choose wisely when you pick a best friend.
Making a Good Choice
Know when to walk away. You may want to be best friends with someone that does not want to be your best friend. It may hurt your feelings, but know that this just wasn't the right person. Unfortunately, the person may not be straightforward and tell you they do not want to be best friends. Pay attention to their behavior. If you notice any of the following, you may need to find a new potential best friend: The person makes excuses or is always too busy to hang out with you. The person does not call or text you first, or always takes a really long time to respond. You always have to initiate conversations with the person. The person does not want to spend time with you on the weekends or after school.
Notice how she treats other people. If your friend lies, gossips, or is mean to other people, she may not be a good best friend to you. See how she treats and interacts with her other friends. Does she talk badly about them when they are not around? Does she boss them around? How your friend treats other people is how she will probably treat you. Since you are looking for a best friend, definitely stay away from girls who gossip about others and tell personal information. You need a best friend you can trust.
Reveal personal information over time. Friendships take time to grow. You do not want to reveal too much personal information in the early stages of friendship. You want to be sure this is someone that you can trust. In the early stages stick to talking about more superficial things such as school, music, TV, or sports teams that you like. Avoid talking about your fears or family issues early on. Wait until you have known the person for a while. If your friend begins to share more personal information with you, this is a sign that you can begin to share the same type of information as well. Initiate the conversation and see if she responds. If she doesn’t, don’t continue sharing.
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