Feeling Fulfilled Independently
Focus on your personal goals. Put the energy that you would spend on a relationship into bettering yourself. Make a list of some ways that you could improve yourself, and then pick one to work towards that you think will really help you to feel happy and proud of yourself. Develop a schedule and/or plan that will help you accomplish this goal and stick to it. Make a goal to advance in your career or improve your grades at school. Make a goal to get into better shape. For example, commit to going to the gym 4 days a week. Create a bucket list and begin working on it.
Spend time with your family and friends. Everyone needs to socialize with and feel supported by others, whether single or in a relationship. Do fun activities with family members and close friends that you enjoy spending time with so that you feel connected to others without being in a relationship. This can be beneficial whether you’re going on a walk with just your mom or are bowling with 15 of your classmates. However, it might be a good idea to steer clear of spending a lot of time with couples as a “third wheel,” as this may make you feel lonely and/or left out.
Spend time in nature. It can be very peaceful to breathe in fresh air and take in beautiful natural surroundings such as trees, flowers, mountains, and the ocean. At least once a week, take a walk in the woods by yourself or read a book on the beach in order to fulfil your heart and soul and bring yourself to a present state of peace.
Tap into your creativity. It can feel very empowering to be in touch with your ideas and intelligence. Creating anything you’re passionate about will allow you to express yourself, which may help you feel happier. Sign up for that improv class you’ve been putting off or work on a couple of short stories in your free time if you love writing. You can also take on a new hobby or try to learn a skill, such as knitting or cooking.
Find an activity you love that involves healthy, safe touching. Touching releases oxytocin and serotonin, which help you feel love and pleasure. In relationships, touch is often a common occurrence, but it may not be if you don’t have a romantic partner. Try out a few different activities that involve touch, such as massage therapy, partner dancing, or spending time with animals, and stick with whatever activity makes you feel love and joy. Don’t seek out these feelings of love and pleasure through sexual interaction before you’re emotionally ready. Also, never push someone else to do this who isn’t ready or who doesn’t consent.
Volunteer for a cause you care about. Volunteer work is a great way to feel fulfilled. It can also help you to stay focused on something bigger than yourself. Try volunteering at your local animal shelter, soup kitchen, or charity thrift store. Look into organizations in your area that frequently need volunteers as well, such as Hospice or a local nursing home.
Avoiding Falling for a Particular Person
Minimize contact with your crush. If you find yourself getting too attached to someone, the best way to avoid falling for them is by distancing yourself from them. If you’re constantly hanging out with them and/or communicating with them through phone calls and text messages, your feelings will likely grow and you’ll think about them a lot. Take a step back and make other plans and/or leave your phone in the other room for a while. If you’re a direct, expressive, outgoing person, it may feel better to verbalize this choice to your crush. If this is the case, say something like, “I'm sorry, but I need to step back from this relationship.”
Get off of social media. Do your best to resist temptations to check your crush’s Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter profile. Doing this will make it harder to get your mind off of your crush and may only make you like them more. If you can’t resist the temptation, take a break from social media entirely to get your mind on other things. To keep from seeing your crush’s Facebook posts, go to their profile page and click “unfollow.” This will keep them your friend, but will also keep their posts from popping up on your newsfeed. Consider turning off your push notifications for Instagram by going into “settings” on your device, tapping “notifications,” selecting “Instagram,” and then switching off “allow notifications.”
Reflect back on bad past relationships. When you’re feeling strong emotions, it’s easy to get swept up and not look at the situation logically or realistically. To avoid falling in love, think back on past relationships and flings where things ended badly or didn’t turn out the way you’d hoped. Don’t ruminate on these past experiences, but use them to ground yourself. Look back on a fight you had with your ex and say to yourself, “That was hard and painful and I don’t want to go through that again. I’m in a better place now and things are great the way they are.” Reader Poll: If you're struggling with reflection, we asked 406 wikiHow readers who've lacked independence in their relationship, and 63% of them agreed the biggest hurdle was meeting their own emotional needs. [Take Poll]
Stay busy. If you spend a lot of time sitting around, then it’ll be tough to keep yourself from thinking about your crush. It’s much easier to avoid falling for them if you’re busy focusing on other things each day. Consider helping your parents with cleaning around the house or taking up a new hobby. The less free time you have, the less you’ll be tempted to think about your crush.
Embracing Love When You’re Ready
Let go of past pain and resentment. Even when the right person comes along, it can be hard to allow yourself to fall in love because of your past experiences. While love is great in many ways, it can sometimes lead to pain, which can make the idea of a new relationship scary. Try to let go of your past pain and resentment by forgiving your ex and/or trying to reflect back on the positive results of those hard situations. For example, you may have dated someone who loved playing soccer so you started playing with them and now it’s a sport you love, are good at, and enjoy playing. Try keeping a journal to record your thoughts about this and work towards a healthier mindset.
Try to be more vulnerable. Vulnerability is a scary thing, especially when you’ve been hurt before. When the time is right, try to let yourself feel happy and excited to talk to and spend time with the special someone in your life. Try telling this person one private thing about yourself a week at first in order to strengthen the bond. Over time, slowly work your way towards feeling love and being fully open and honest with the person.
Ignore your inner critic. For one reason or another, many people resist falling in love. If you really care for someone in your life but you’re struggling to commit to loving them, your own thought processes are likely to blame. Every time a thought like “Don’t trust them; you can’t trust anyone,” or “They don’t love me; they’re just going to hurt me,” pops into your head, dismiss the thought by saying something like, “That’s just the fear talking,” or “This isn’t my past relationship,” to yourself.
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