5 Ways To Begin A Conversation On Sex Toys with Your Partner

Imagine you are watching an intriguing three-hour-long movie. But then the movie ends without the climax. It feels frustrating, right? Similarly, imagine the immense amount of dissatisfaction that either of the partners feels when they are left without an orgasm during sex. The solution? Let’s talk it out.

One of the core motives for having sex is pleasure and orgasm (time to rethink if it’s not). If that’s missing altogether, then it’s definitely time to clear the air with your partner. It’s a bit alarming how we tend to brush aside conversations about pleasure and orgasm gap. An unsatisfied sex sesh would leave you with nothing but disappointment. That’s not what you signed up for, right? Aastha Vora, CEO and co-founder, Manzuri shares tips on how to address sex toy use with your partner and boost your intimacy.

1. Address any misconceptions or stigmasLet’s cut the chase. Sex Toys. Two words that make most men feel attacked or have second thoughts about their performance in bed. Calm your jets, men. It’s your bedroom friend. We like to say that it’s a collaboration not a competition. Importantly, it’s the same thing that will help your partner unleash all realms of pleasure. On the flip side, the male partner might also feel the need for a sex toy for enriched pleasure which may make the female partner feel ‘not enough’; which is not the reality. Therefore, both partners must address any misinterpretations or assumptions. It becomes vital to communicate the core purpose of using sex toys and eliminate all misconceptions.
2. Embrace the paradigm shiftIrrespective of all genders, every couple deserves to be satisfied after intercourse. It is essential to shift the mindset of how we perceive sex toys. As many of them are marketed for solo pleasure and masturbation, it has always been seen as a self-pleasure toy. But that’s not it. Things change drastically when they are coupled while making love. So firstly, as a couple, make that paradigm shift around the use of sex toys and embrace it wholeheartedly.
3. Focus on pleasure, not performanceIncorporate empathy when it comes to understanding your partner’s sexual expectations. Be curious about what gives them the most pleasure. Ask what better you can do to make them feel good in bed. Do they feel the need to have extra pleasure? While you do this, let it not be a one-sided conversation. Communicate your own intimate pleasure expectations, too, with compassion. Talk about how using sex toys in the bedroom can uplift your intimacy to reasonable levels. Let the conversation flow towards seeing sex toys as not ‘one of the partner’s needs’ but rather the ‘need of the couple’ for a passionate sexual experience for both. Furthermore, express your opinions on how more pleasure for both will strengthen your connection.
4. Talk about the long runYou can frame the conversation about sex toys as part of a larger discussion about your long-term sexual goals as a couple. You can talk about what you want to explore together and how sex toys can help you achieve those goals. This will help make the conversation more meaningful and set the stage for future sexual exploration.
5. Frame it as an adventure coupled with humourLastly, use sex toys as an adventure in your sexual life. Meaning, to normalize sex toys, and considering them as a new experiment for exploring new doors of pleasure and excitement. Something like, “I’ve been wanting to experiment with sex toys and explore our sexual desires. Would you like to try something new with me?”. Incorporating these intimate products this way would help you lighten the tension, and your partner would look forward to it.

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