Spending Time With Your Grandparent
Know what your grandparent is capable of doing. Depending on how old your grandparent is, he may be limited in some respects. If you would like to spend time with your grandparent, be sure to plan for activities that your grandparent can easily do. For example, if your grandparent needs to use a cane or walker to help him get around, then planning a morning walking around a local park is not a suitable idea. Your grandparent will not be able to walk for a long period of time and will need frequent rest breaks.
Be aware of your grandparent's hobbies and habits. Especially if your grandparent has health issues or is past the age of 80, for example, he likely has some limitations for accepting visits. Avoid planning your visits during these times. Know if your grandparent sleeps late in the mornings or takes naps around a certain time every day. Know if your grandparent has a regular doctor appointment each week or has a medical routine to do at the same time every day.
Plan what you will do with your grandparent. Based on what you know your grandparent can and likes to do, figure out how the time you spend with your grandparent will go. There are many ideas for making new memories with your grandparent: Cook or bake together Sit and talk about life and memories Read a book together Take a walk around the neighborhood or in a park Make a craft with him/her Learn a skill that he/she has, like carving wood or knitting Have a picnic Visit a local art gallery Play board or card games Go shopping or window shopping Go fishing, boating, or hunting If you have a talent, you can use it to make them happy. For example, you sing or play piano for them. You can spend some time with them and have a conversation, so they do not feel lonely. Or you can bring something nice for them.
Be realistic if your grandparent lives in a nursing home or other assisted living community. In this case, your grandparent may not be able to leave the facility. Prepare activities to spend time together that can be done where your grandparent is. Talk about life and memories Play board or card games Put a puzzle together Make a craft together Read a book together Write a story or poem together
Arrive on time and with the necessary supplies on the day you scheduled to visit. It will be important to your grandparent that you show up on time and on the correct day. He has been looking forward to this and will be disappointed if you are late or if you cancel. If you are running late, call your grandparent and let him know to expect you a little later. Be sure to explain why. If it turns out that you need to reschedule, let your grandparent know immediately. Do not wait until the last minute to call and change the plans, because your grandparent will likely feel very let down. Be sure to reschedule for another day and time that you are certain you are available.
Be fully engaged in spending time with your grandparent. It truly means a lot to grandparents to spend time with their grandchildren, so be sure to respect his excitement about seeing you by engaging in the activity and conversation. Enjoy the time you are spending with your grandparent, because you never know how much longer you might be able to do this.
Make plans for the next time with your grandparent. Let your grandparent know realistically when you will be able spend time with him again. Create plans for the next time you will visit him. You can do a different activity next time, or you can do the same thing again. Make sure your grandparent has written down somewhere when you will come for your next visit. Scheduling the next time gives your grandparent something to which he can look forward.
Helping Your Grandparent
Chat with your grandparent and learn if she needs help. Your grandparent might still live independently, and in that case, she almost certainly would welcome help with chores around the house. Ask your grandparent if she could use your help with anything. Alternatively, if you know that your grandparent needs some help, you could surprise her by showing up unexpectedly to do the work.
Come up with ideas of how you can help. If your grandparent does not want to ask you to help due to pride or a strong feeling of independence, or if she is vague about needing help, think of some ways in which you can help her. Vacuum the house Dust the furniture Pull weeds in the garden Help harvest homegrown vegetables Wash the walls Deep clean the carpets Do the laundry Paint a room
Help your grandparent arrange the completion of bigger tasks. Sometimes, your grandparent's home might need professional work done that you cannot help complete. However, you can help your grandparent call different companies or contractors to get price estimates and to get the work scheduled. Having a new roof installed Having a new appliance delivered and installed Getting a porch or deck built onto the house Having a pest issue resolved Having some kind of renovation done inside the house, like replacing cabinets
Show up to your grandparent's house to do the work. You can arrange a day and time that works for both you and your grandparent, or you can show up to surprise her. Be sure to follow through with going to her home, if she is expecting you. You will let her down and lose trust if you do not show up. Be polite and respectful if your grandparent is hesitant to let you help due to pride or feelings of independence. While she might truly need the help, she could find it offensive or upsetting if you become pushy about it. If your grandparent does not want you to do as much work as you planned to do, then complete the tasks she is allowing you to do and try to get to the others next time.
Do the work well. You are volunteering your time to help your grandparent, but you should still be sure to complete the work to the best of your ability. Your grandparent probably did a lot to help your parents raise you, and this is your opportunity to help repay the favor. This is also a good time to show her how much you appreciate and care about her. You want your grandparent to live in comfort and health, so do your best to ensure that this happens when you offer to take care of chores personally.
Follow through with ensuring that the hired company or contractor completes the work. If you can, make plans to be at your grandparent's house the day that the work is supposed to be completed so that you can make sure it gets done. You might need to take your grandparent to your house or somewhere else for the day, depending on what kind of work is being done on her house. Take care of those arrangements ahead of time, if necessary.
Staying in Touch With Your Grandparent
Visit your grandparent in person when you can. If you live close to your grandparent, then decide how often you can realistically visit him. If you are a youth and cannot drive yet, this will depend on your parents' availability to drive you to your grandparent's house. Consider whether you can go after school or work and how many times per week. Maybe you can only commit to once per week, or maybe you have availability to visit a few times per week. If you live far away, always make an effort to visit your grandparent in person when you are in town.
Call your grandparent whenever you have time. Even if you live close to your grandparent, you could still create a habit of calling once or twice per week. If you live far away, you will want to do this regularly. If you have a commute of 20 minutes or more to/from work or school, you could easily spend that time chatting with your grandparent. Bluetooth devices and Bluetooth accessibility in cars are both very common today to make talking while driving safe. Call whenever you know your grandparent is available and whenever you have time. If your grandparent is an early riser and you have time in the mornings, call then. On the other hand, if you cannot call until the evening, call at an appropriate time for your grandparent.
Teach your grandparent how to use a video calling service, such as Skype. If your grandparent is tech savvy, he might be up for learning how to use a video calling service. If you live far away, this is a way for you to catch up with your grandparent and for you to see each other. When you visit your grandparent in person, take a couple of hours to teach him how to use the service and practice.
Send cards, notes, or letters as another way to stay in touch. Your grandparent will love getting a card or letter from you, and he will appreciate that you took the time to write to him. You can send a card for his birthday, anniversary, or other holiday. Your grandparent will like being remembered and recognized on days like Veteran's Day, if he was a member of the military. You can also simply send a note “just because,” to catch your grandparent up on what is going on in your life.
Respecting Your Grandparent
Listen to your grandparent. This is an important step that permeates all kinds of interactions you have with your grandparent. Be an active listener when your grandparent is telling you stories about your family history or about her memories. Ask questions and make comments that prove that you are listening. Respond appropriately to her requests or commands. If she asks you to do a task, then you should do it.
Display proper behavior and manners around your grandparent. Your grandparent grew up in a different time period, where societal norms and values were different. Be aware of what habits might irritate your grandparent. Stay off of your cell phone or smartphone while spending time with her. Your attention should be focused on her. Avoid arguing with or talking back to your grandparent. Thank your grandparent when she does something for you or gives you a gift. Be polite to your grandparent and to others when you are out in public. Be helpful and do any tasks or chores without complaint.
Treat your grandparent like she is worthy of your time. The fact is that your grandparent is getting older and will likely suffer some health issues. She is not going to be alive forever, sadly, and your grandparent needs to know that you value the time spent with her. Let your grandparent know often that you love her. Focus your attention on your grandparent when spending time with her.
Accept your grandparent's advice. Your grandparent has spent many more years alive and has many more life experiences than you do. Even if you do not totally agree with her advice, your grandparent is almost certainly speaking from experience. If you do take her advice, and it works for you, be sure to let your grandparent know and thank her for helping you.
Invite your grandparent to events or on vacation. Grandparents truly want to feel included and to be invited to events. If you are having a dinner party, or if you are going on a family vacation, be sure to extend an invitation to your grandparent. Although grandparents love and enjoy babysitting their grandchildren, for example, they feel more respected and included when they are invited to events.
Teach your grandparent about today's societal norms, and be understanding about the beliefs that she has. Things were very different when your grandparent grew up, so be understanding of that. Your grandparent likely has many set-in-stone beliefs, so avoid arguing with or scoffing at those beliefs. Do not try to force new ideas or beliefs on your grandparent if she is not open to learning about them. This only sets the stage for an argument and causes tension. Your grandparent might be curious about a topic or norm, but she may not want to learn everything there is to know about it. Respect the boundaries she sets for the conversation. Calmly and carefully explain certain new societal norms, like the ways people interact or the mixture of cultures present in society.
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