Dividing Your Child’s Time
Find parenting time guidelines. Many states’ guidelines will contain very specific visitation schedules for children in all age groups. If the schedule in your state’s guidelines is appropriate for your family, the court may order you to follow it. This is commonly referred to as “guideline visitation.” Stop into the court clerk’s office or search online for your state’s guidelines. You can find information on how custody is divided by state at https://www.custodyxchange.com/. Remember that your family’s specific situation will be evaluated and the guideline schedule can be adjusted to suit your circumstances.
Agree upon a schedule, such as alternating weekends. You can set up any time as visitation, but it may be easier for one parent to visit with the children on the weekend. Agree upon an alternating schedule. For example, the children might visit the other parent every other weekend. Weekends might not work for you. For example, one parent might work Wednesday through Sunday. In that situation, you can have visitation on the 2 days the parent has off.
State when visitation begins and ends. Be detailed. A parenting plan is more successful the more detailed it is. For this reason, state the time visitation begins and ends. For example, you might write, “Weekend visitation will start at 6:00 pm on Friday and end at 5:00 pm on Sunday.”
Add other days, if desired. In addition to weekends, you might have the children spend overnight during the school week. For example, you might have the children spend a Wednesday evening with the noncustodial parent. You should add these days if mandated by your state’s law or by your court order. You may also add other days if it’s convenient for both parents.
Arrange visitation during school vacations. Most schools have a few weeks off during the year. You should decide how the children will spend these vacations. For example, you can agree that each parent will get 1 week of a 2-week vacation.
Divide summer vacation. There’s two ways you can do this. First, you can state which weeks the noncustodial parent will have visitation. For example, they might have the entire month of July with the children. Alternately, you can agree to set up a schedule at some point during the year. For example, you might agree to sit down in April and plan the summer visitation schedule. This gives you some flexibility in case you don’t know what your summer schedule will be like.
Splitting Holidays
Establish visitation for the child’s birthday. Probably the easiest way to divide a child’s birthday is to alternate each year. For example, on even-numbered years one parent will have the child on their birthday, and on odd-numbered years the other parent will. State in detail when the birthday visitation begins and ends. You might decide not to alternate birthdays. Instead, you might agree that the children will always spend their birthdays with one parent. Even so, you should still write down whatever your agreement is.
Make arrangements for holiday weekends. These are weekends where a holiday occurs directly before or after the weekend. There are many holiday weekends in the U.S.: President’s Day, Memorial Day, Labor Day, etc. Divide up these holidays and state when the holiday weekend begins and ends.
Arrange visitation for other big holidays. In the U.S., the most important holidays are Thanksgiving and either Christmas or another faith holiday. As with birthdays, you might have the children alternate between parents each year. You might also have the children spend Thanksgiving with one parent and Christmas with the other.
Don’t forget Mother’s and Father’s Day. Even with weekend visitation, the children might not be with mom on Mother’s Day or with Dad on Father’s Day. You can guarantee time together by writing it into your visitation schedule.
Taking Care of Other Details
Arrange transportation. Explain how your children will be picked up and dropped off. The details are up to you. You might have one parent do both, especially if the other parent doesn’t have transportation. Also state the location of pick-up and drop-off. If you’re going to have another person transport the child, provide for how you’ll notify the other parent. For example, you might write, “At the specified time to begin visitation, Kim or Tyler shall pick up Abbey at each other’s residence. At the specified time that visitation ends, Kim or Tyler will come get Abbey from the other’s residence. If either parent wants a third-party to pick up Abbey, then they will provide at least 2 hours’ notice by phone or email.”
Plan for a child’s illness. State how much notice you’ll provide the other parent if the child is too sick to visit. Also explain how you’ll make up visitation because of the child’s illness. For example, you might agree that the custodial parent will notify the other parent at least 2 hours in advance. Any days missed can be made up in an equal number of days.
Anticipate a parent’s illness. A parent might be too sick to see the child. You should explain what will happen: how much notice to give and whether they can make up lost visitation days. For example, the parent with visitation might need to call the custodial parent at least 2 hours before visitation is to begin. If they don’t provide enough notice, then their visitation is waived and they can’t make up the days. It’s up to you whether a parent gets to make up visitation because they were sick. For example, you might let them make up the time by extending their summer vacation visitation.
Explain if clothing or other necessities will be transported. It’s unlikely that both parents will have a full closet of clothes for their children. For that reason, clothing and other items might need to be transported with the child. Clarify how this will happen. For example, you might write, “The custodial parent will send suitable clothing for each visit. The clothing must be returned, washed, at the end of the visit. Nothing prohibits the noncustodial parent from providing clothing and keeping that clothing in their possession.”
Arrange for telephone conversations. State how often the noncustodial parent can call the child and when they can call. Also clarify whether the custodial parent can be involved in the conversation or whether they need permission of the parent who is calling. For example, you might write, “Kim and Tyler can call Abbey 3 times a week when she is in the other parent’s custody. All phone calls must happen between 4:00 pm and 6:00 pm. The other parent may not listen in on the conversation unless Abbey and the other parent consents.”
Decide how you will settle disputes. Disputes can crop up even with the most thorough visitation schedule. You should decide ahead of time how you will handle disputes. Although you can run to court, there might be more effective dispute resolution techniques, such as mediation. In mediation, you and the other parent will meet with a third-party neutral (the mediator). The mediator is skilled at listening and helping people reach agreement. Mediation is voluntary, so you can walk away if you aren’t pleased with the resolution. Your court might have a family law mediation program, or you can check with your local community center. Family law mediation generally costs $70-400 an hour but is an effective way for squabbling parents to resolve conflicts.
Put your visitation schedule in writing. A judge will need to approve all custody arrangements, so you should put it in writing and submit it to the court. Other parts of a parenting plan include a discussion of child support, medical expenses, schooling, and religious upbringing. You should also note, in writing, what the repercussions are if one parent doesn’t follow the rules. Once approved, each parent should keep a copy of the visitation schedule so that they will know what is expected of them.
Involve the judge, if necessary. You might not be able to reach an agreement on visitation. For example, you might want your ex’s visitation to be supervised because of a history of domestic violence, or because your child is afraid of them. It’s unlikely your ex will agree to supervised visitation, so you’ll need to ask the judge for it. Consult with an attorney if you and the other parent are disputing custody or visitation. Your attorney will help you gather appropriate evidence to make a strong case. For example, if the other parent has been abusive, you should get copies of police reports, restraining orders, and medical records. You can submit these to the judge. You should also submit proof of your income, housing, access to transportation, childcare, and any other relevant details (such as accommodations for a special-needs child).
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