How to Do One Thing That Scares You Every Day

Creating a Plan

Make a list of things that scare you. Create an anxiety diary. Anxiety diaries can be an effective tool for overcoming fears. Grab a notepad and paper, and set aside some time for self-contemplation free from distractions. Relax, let your thoughts wander freely, think of things that scare you, and write them in your pad. You might think of a few things immediately, but if you give yourself enough time, you might come up with things you hadn't expected. For example, you might immediately write down public speaking and introducing yourself to new people. After some deep introspection, you might realize that both are connected to being afraid of looking foolish or of being rejected. Be kind and don't judge yourself as you identify and accept your fears. Also, avoid the temptation to view yourself in a negative light because of these fears. Try to keep your diary with you as much as you can to write down your fear or anxiety as it occurs. As you write down the fear, also record when it happened, and how it made you feel. Take a few minutes in the evenings to review and reflect on what you have written. Then, identify some small achievable goals to help you face and overcome these fears in the future. Create a list of healthy coping skills that help you when you are faced with fear, such as listening to music, talking with someone you trust, and meditating.

Start with smaller fears. Try not to avoid your fears. If you avoid things, you’ll likely be missing out on important things in life that you want or need to do. For example, you may have to give a certain amount of presentations at work before you're considered for a promotion, but you may have a terrifying fear of speaking in public. You’ll likely come up with several simpler fears that you can attack with easy actions, like being afraid to try new foods. If you start with smaller, more actionable fears, you'll be more likely to commit to doing something that scares you every day. For instance, if you’re afraid to try eating fish, it’s relatively simple to go to a restaurant and order a grilled salmon salad. If you are afraid of public speaking. Take a public speaking class. If you're not ready for that step, start small and join a special interest group, such as a small book club with people you don't know. These groups usually are held in small, intimate settings. If you're afraid of lakes or oceans because you cannot see what is underneath you. Start small and just try going out onto a boat until you are comfortable. When you're able to go further, get onto a raft. Take your time. Don't rush. If it takes a few times to go from one to another, then that is okay. Listen to your own intuitive instincts, but also try to utilize some healthy coping skills to help you work through your fears. Eventually, maybe you can dip a toe in, or maybe a foot.

Break bigger fears into smaller steps. Your other fears might be larger and more complex. Break those complex fears up into smaller actionable steps so they’re not so overwhelming. For example, suppose you’re afraid to ride a bike. It might seem like an overwhelming fear at first, but you can solve it using clear steps: ask someone you trust to help you learn, use training wheels, and start riding on grass before pavement.

Create a list of daily actions. Making a plan ahead of time will help you purposefully put yourself in situations out of your comfort zone. Set clear expectations and hold yourself accountable for completing particular daily actions. Organize your plan using specific dates and times and give yourself a clear path to achieving your goals. For example, start planning your week out Sunday night. Write specific actions such as, “Monday: I will call John and try to resolve our disagreement. Tuesday: I will introduce myself to someone new and have a conversation with them. Wednesday: I will go out for lunch and try sushi for the first time. Thursday: I will start my new group workout class. Friday: I will participate in my weekly team meeting and bring up my new product design idea.”

Get help doing a task from someone you trust. Reach out to a trusted friend or family member who’s good at a task that you’re afraid to try. For example, if you’re afraid to ride a bike or drive a car, think of someone you know and trust who’s a great bike rider or driver. Tell them, “Hey, you’re a great driver. I have a license, but haven’t driven in a while and I’ve been afraid to get back on the road on my own. Do you think you have time two or three times a week to show me some pointers?”

Take the challenge with a friend or family member. In addition to helping you learn a task that scares you, a buddy can help you stick to your challenge. Make a pact with someone close to you and agree that you'll both do something scary every day. Spend time together once a week making your lists, then have a chat at the end of each day to talk about what you did. If you or your buddy feel like backing out of a day's action, you could call each other to provide motivation. If you can't find someone to take the challenge with you, ask a friend or family member for support and to hold you accountable. You'll be more likely to complete your daily challenges if you have someone to pump you up and tell you to stick to your goals.

Keep a journal to track your actions. Set aside about 20 minutes a day to write about what you did that day that scared you. Write down how you felt before you did the action, what you did, and how you felt afterward. You can look back on your experiences and use them as examples to help you do things that scare you in the future. For example, you might have written, “Today I finally worked up the courage to talk to Sam. I was really nervous at first and could feel my heart racing! It turned out to be easy, though. I don't know why I was scared in the first place!”

Breaking Out of Your Comfort Zone

Let go of embarrassment. Comfort zones typically involve being afraid of embarrassment or looking foolish when trying something new. Remind yourself that no one was born an expert at anything. Even those who have mastered a skill or discipline were once novices who had to take a risk. Tell yourself, “Even well-seasoned Tour de France cyclers take countless tumbles, but they get right back on their bikes and continue on. If they were determined enough to compete in and win races, I can learn how to ride 50 feet without stopping.”

Overcome false beliefs and irrational fears. Overcoming our fears often involves letting go of irrational assumptions that we’ve built over a long period of time. Try to distinguish between fears that have logical foundations and those that are based on irrational beliefs. For example, if you’re afraid of dogs because you believe every dog will bite you, you might want to take steps to break out of your comfort zone.

Try overcoming one fear gradually. Doing one thing that scares you every day doesn’t necessarily mean you have to do something different every day. If you have a more complex fear that you’ve broken up into actionable goals, you can do little things every day to overcome that fear. For example, if you’re terrified of dogs, start by looking at pictures and videos of people playing with dogs for 15 minutes per day for a week. Ask a nearby friend or family member who owns a dog to hang out with you for a half hour per day for the next few weeks. Have them keep the dog on a leash in the same room as you. Sit or stand closer and closer to the dog until, eventually, you’re comfortable enough to hold your hand out and let it sniff you.

Reward yourself for breaking out of your comfort zone. Come up with a small incentive that will help motivate you to complete a scary task every day. Avoid giving yourself the reward if you didn't complete that day's action. On days you can't give yourself the treat, don't beat yourself up about not doing what you set out to do. Remember to be proud of baby steps you took to conquering your fear. Think of small pleasures that make you happy. Your daily reward could be a candy bar or ice cream, bubble bath, glass of wine, or giving yourself permission to binge watch your favorite show. Remember to give yourself a pat on the back for taking steps to face your fears, however small they may be.

Scaring Yourself Meaningfully

Focus on self improvement. Do things that not only scare you, but will help you become the person you want to be. It’s fine to do scary things like watching a horror movie every day, but it’s much more meaningful to do things that involve improving yourself. For instance, if you want to be a better public speaker but have always been afraid in front of crowds, you could try taking a class at a local community college. You could also try something a more informal, like joining a local Toastmasters club.

Be realistic about your abilities. Biting off more than you can chew can leave you feeling discouraged and unmotivated. Set yourself up for success by pursuing realistic goals that match your abilities. If you’ve never climbed a mountain before, you wouldn’t want to try climbing Mount Everest. Try an indoor rock wall first or find a nearby beginner’s hiking trail.

Seek therapeutic guidance. Sometimes, even with all of your efforts, it is difficult to cope with and overcome fears. These are the times you could benefit from the additional support and guidance of a qualified therapist. There are some therapists that can combine Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) with Exposure Therapy. In essence, your therapist can guide you through a CBT session while you are in that fear state of mind. These forms of therapy are very effective for people who have difficulty overcoming their fears on their own. (This is usually through Computerized CBT, which provides a virtual environment that puts clients right into what they are fearful of). Typically individuals that need this level of treatment will have more severe anxiety responses, and sometimes panic attacks associated with their fears.

Don't give up your comfort zone completely. Try to incorporate doing things that scare you into your daily routine instead of giving your routine up completely. It’s great to challenge yourself and get out of your comfort zone, but it’s physically and emotionally draining to be uncomfortable at all times. Find the right balance for you by contemplating the meaning behind the mantra “do one thing that scares you every day.” It doesn’t mean live dangerously and impulsively. Rather, it’s about taking risks that challenge you to become the best possible version of yourself.