How to Build Trust in Your Parents to Earn Your Stuff Back

Making Things Right Again

Apologize. A simple first step that you can take is to apologize. Apologizing shows that you understand what you did and that it broke the trust between you and your parents. Apologizing can also demonstrate that you want to make changes and do the right thing next time. Try apologizing to show your understanding of the situation, rebuild trust, and have your privileges restored. Make sure your apology is genuine. You could try saying something like "Mom, Dad, I want to apologize for what I did. I get that it was wrong of me and I want to make things right." Having a good understanding of what went wrong can help you build a better apology. Try giving examples that show your understanding of the situation. For example, you might say "I see now that lying to you earlier was hurtful and makes it hard to trust what I say in the future."

Make repayments if necessary. If you've caused damage to something, you may need to either fix it or pay for it. By repairing something or replacing it, you can show that you've taken responsibility for your actions and understand how they damaged trust between you and your parents. Volunteering to fix or replace something you've damaged can be a good step in rebuilding trust and getting your things back. For example, maybe you broke something you “borrowed” without permission. Offering to either fix it or buy a replacement can demonstrate your understanding of the situation.

Be careful with your actions and words. Once you know what you can do to build trust again and get your stuff back, it's time to get to work. Focus on taking actions that you know are allowed by your parents, will demonstrate responsibility, and will build trust. Try to remember that this is more about your actions and choices, rather than simply getting your things back. Avoid any outbursts aimed at your parents. Try to speak respectfully, even if you disagree with something. Be honest with your parents. Lying to your parents will only cause mistrust and may cause you to lose your things for even longer. Always take responsibility for your actions. Try to follow rules as closely as you can. If you aren't sure you're allowed to do something, ask your parents first.

Talking with Your Parents

Talk to your parents. If you don't know exactly what it was you did wrong or how you can rebuild a feeling of trust, getting your things back can be difficult. Although it can be tough, talking with your parents about the problem can be the best way forward. After you learn what the problem is by sharing your thoughts and feelings, you can take direct steps to rebuild trust and get your things back. Don't be afraid to ask your parents why you are in trouble. Say something like "I understand that I did something wrong, but I'm not sure what exactly is wrong with it." It's okay to share your side of things with your parents and honestly talk about how you feel. Having an honest and civil discussion with your parents can be a great first step to show maturity and rebuild trust. Even if your parents are mad, avoid yelling at them or speaking with any kind of sarcastic tone. Showing an understanding of what you did wrong and how it affected trust between you and your parents can be a good idea. You could say something like "I know that sneaking out last night was wrong and dangerous. I'm sorry for doing it and I want to help make things better."

Have your parents make their expectations clear. If you don't feel like there is a clear way forward, rebuilding trust can seem impossible. Knowing exactly what you can expect from your good behavior can help you know how to act, what to do, and how you can get your stuff back. Ask your parents for some details about when and how you can have your privileges back. Ask your parents what behavior they expect from you in the future. You might say "I want make up for what I did. What can I do to show that?" Ask your parents when you can expect your things or privileges restored. Try asking something like "How long can I expect to wait before I get my things back?"

Ask for some positive feedback. It can be pretty obvious when you've done something to make your parents upset. However, this doesn't always make it easier when you're trying to do what's right. Asking your parents to let you know when your doing the right thing can help rebuild trust and demonstrate that you are trying to make things right. You could ask your parents something like "I want to do the right thing and apologize for what I did. It would be nice to hear when I do the right thing. I think this will help me focus on what to do next time."

Take your time. Restoring trust between you and your parents won't happen overnight. Anytime trust is broken, it will take some time before it is restored. Don't be in a rush to rebuild trust and get your stuff back faster. For now, focus on doing the right thing in the future and avoid doing anything that might make the situation worse.

Keeping Your Stuff and Feelings of Trust

Wait for your privileges or things to be returned. When rebuilding trust, it's mostly a matter of time. You'll need to demonstrate good behavior, good choices, and a good understanding of your responsibilities. If you act in a way that is consistently trustworthy, your privileges and things will be returned to you soon.

Avoid damaging trust in the future. Trust between you and your parents can be fragile. Building up trust can take a long time, while breaking it can take only a few seconds. While you are trying to restore or maintain your parent's trust in you, always avoid doing anything that could cause more trouble. Try to avoid some of these behaviors to keep you on track, maintain trust, and keep your stuff: Yelling, angry outbursts, or screaming can all take away the feeling of trust that feelings can be shared openly. Don't break important rules that your parents have given you. For example, sneaking out at night to hang out with friends can get other privileges taken away from you. Don't lie to your parents. If you've been caught, lying about things can only make your situation worse.

Ask your parents about what's allowed. If you are ever unsure if something would be okay or not, ask your parents. It's a lot easier to ask and be told “no”, than it would be to break your parent's trust and rebuild it. Although it might not be easy to ask your parents, doing so can show your consideration for their rules, demonstrate respect, and help keep the feeling of trust strong. Always check with you parents before doing anything you think might break their trust and cost you some of your things or privileges. You could try saying "I was wondering if I could stay out an hour later than normal with my friends. I know I'm not usually allowed, so I thought I would ask." Don't get upset or argue if your parents say "No" after you ask.