Kesu, the monkey, was reading the newspaper aloud, for everybody's benefit. Or else there would be a fight for the only newspaper at the shop. The perils of literacy, one might say -- everyone in Junglistan could read and write.
"Junglistan Chief Minister Tortoise Kunhiraman has announced a ban on the sale and production of Choke and Pesti, citing reports of pesticide in the soft drinks. The ban will be implemented immediately, effective today. Shops selling existing stocks will be sealed and vendors will be made to drink the poisonous Choke and Pesti, in accordance with the law of the jungle."
As Kesu finished reading the news story, Thathamma, the parrot, flew in. She was late.
She was not in a hurry, she had nowhere to go. The Pesti plant, where she worked, had closed down.
"I don't know what to do? I didn't expect this from the Tortoise," she said, as she took her position on the perch by the fire. "Ittooppu, give me a strong tea. I will give you the money when I get a new job."
"Is the Tortoise going to ban everything that is bad for health. He should give us a list of what to eat and what not to eat. Think of it, I was drinking Choke all this while," Ganapati butted in. The elephant was very careful on matters of food. He wants the best of coconuts and palm leaves, and eats them all through the day. Add to that a little jaggery, and his day is made. But he couldn't believe Choke would deceive him. He was one of the biggest consumers of the soft drink, which actually turned out to be a hard drink. "Consumer is King, those guys used to say. I even got the Consumer King Award once." Ganapati was disappointed with his multinational friends. "And you never told us about this," he said accusingly, turning to Thathamma.
"Psssssst," Nagraj burst out laughing. "If the Tortoise were to ban all unhealthy food, you would starve to death."
"Yes. Did you watch the debate on the television yesterday," asked the crow. He always wanted to be a journalist, but couldn't become one. Now he spends his time reading newspapers and watching TV, only news channels, mind you. Not for him the FTV and Saas-Bahu serials. "Milk has pesticides, so do palm leaves, and coconuts, and leaves, and grass, and fruits, and vegetables. What will you eat then, Ganapati?"
"That is bullshit," said Nandini, the cow. Her husband, who was sitting nearby, wasn't amused a single bit. "My milk is safe. Always. I never drank pesticide. Not even Choke or Pesti. You all know that. Ask Ittooppu, he makes tea with my milk. Don't you," Nandini turned to the goat for his approval. He nodded readily.
"But I always drank Pesti and ate grass from the riverside, where their factory is located. My body is full of pesticides now, enough to kill a lion. My doctor told me so," said Chameli, the Antelope. Her eyes were on the Tiger and the Lion. This should be enough to keep them off my back for some time, she thought.
Comrade Choodan, the cheetah, one of the last of his species, didn't like the conversation. He was a true Communist, like the Tortoise. "These multinational imperialists are ruining our jungle. They are stealing our water, adding sugar and selling their colas at such high prices. And you are falling for it. I would not allow it," he roared.
"Who are you to decide what we should drink? This is a democracy. And we can't stand this nonsense. Our children love Pesti. And tell me, will the CM ban cigarettes and alcohol too," shouted somebody from the back.
As they debated the vices of colas, a procession came their way. It was led by Kudiyan Paramu, the jungle's biggest drunkard. Paramu was a distant relative of Kesu. One could never see him on four legs. He was always on two legs. This time he was surprisingly walking as monkeys are supposed to.
"Tortoise murdabad," he said raising his fist. "Tortoise murdabad" his followers repeated. Among them was the jungle's leading bar owner Wine Babu.
They were going to the Tortoise's house. They wanted their CM to revoke the ban on colas. They wanted Choke back then and there. Because rum doesn't taste the same without Choke and Pesti.first published:August 11, 2006, 22:06 ISTlast updated:August 11, 2006, 22:06 IST
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The teashop at Junglistan's main junction was busy. They were all there. Tigers, elephants, porcupines, wolves, cows, buffalos, goats, monkeys, antelopes, alligators, crocodiles, cobras, vipers, pythons, sparrows, parrots, crows, mynas, parrots, kites, all of them. They had assembled there for their morning cup of tea and a piece of vada before they go to work. That's their daily routine, reading the Jungle Times over a cup of hot chai made by Ittooppu, the goat who owned the shop. His tea is famous, he brings it from the hills of Munnar.
Kesu, the monkey, was reading the newspaper aloud, for everybody's benefit. Or else there would be a fight for the only newspaper at the shop. The perils of literacy, one might say -- everyone in Junglistan could read and write.
"Junglistan Chief Minister Tortoise Kunhiraman has announced a ban on the sale and production of Choke and Pesti, citing reports of pesticide in the soft drinks. The ban will be implemented immediately, effective today. Shops selling existing stocks will be sealed and vendors will be made to drink the poisonous Choke and Pesti, in accordance with the law of the jungle."
As Kesu finished reading the news story, Thathamma, the parrot, flew in. She was late.
She was not in a hurry, she had nowhere to go. The Pesti plant, where she worked, had closed down.
"I don't know what to do? I didn't expect this from the Tortoise," she said, as she took her position on the perch by the fire. "Ittooppu, give me a strong tea. I will give you the money when I get a new job."
"Is the Tortoise going to ban everything that is bad for health. He should give us a list of what to eat and what not to eat. Think of it, I was drinking Choke all this while," Ganapati butted in. The elephant was very careful on matters of food. He wants the best of coconuts and palm leaves, and eats them all through the day. Add to that a little jaggery, and his day is made. But he couldn't believe Choke would deceive him. He was one of the biggest consumers of the soft drink, which actually turned out to be a hard drink. "Consumer is King, those guys used to say. I even got the Consumer King Award once." Ganapati was disappointed with his multinational friends. "And you never told us about this," he said accusingly, turning to Thathamma.
"Psssssst," Nagraj burst out laughing. "If the Tortoise were to ban all unhealthy food, you would starve to death."
"Yes. Did you watch the debate on the television yesterday," asked the crow. He always wanted to be a journalist, but couldn't become one. Now he spends his time reading newspapers and watching TV, only news channels, mind you. Not for him the FTV and Saas-Bahu serials. "Milk has pesticides, so do palm leaves, and coconuts, and leaves, and grass, and fruits, and vegetables. What will you eat then, Ganapati?"
"That is bullshit," said Nandini, the cow. Her husband, who was sitting nearby, wasn't amused a single bit. "My milk is safe. Always. I never drank pesticide. Not even Choke or Pesti. You all know that. Ask Ittooppu, he makes tea with my milk. Don't you," Nandini turned to the goat for his approval. He nodded readily.
"But I always drank Pesti and ate grass from the riverside, where their factory is located. My body is full of pesticides now, enough to kill a lion. My doctor told me so," said Chameli, the Antelope. Her eyes were on the Tiger and the Lion. This should be enough to keep them off my back for some time, she thought.
Comrade Choodan, the cheetah, one of the last of his species, didn't like the conversation. He was a true Communist, like the Tortoise. "These multinational imperialists are ruining our jungle. They are stealing our water, adding sugar and selling their colas at such high prices. And you are falling for it. I would not allow it," he roared.
"Who are you to decide what we should drink? This is a democracy. And we can't stand this nonsense. Our children love Pesti. And tell me, will the CM ban cigarettes and alcohol too," shouted somebody from the back.
As they debated the vices of colas, a procession came their way. It was led by Kudiyan Paramu, the jungle's biggest drunkard. Paramu was a distant relative of Kesu. One could never see him on four legs. He was always on two legs. This time he was surprisingly walking as monkeys are supposed to.
"Tortoise murdabad," he said raising his fist. "Tortoise murdabad" his followers repeated. Among them was the jungle's leading bar owner Wine Babu.
They were going to the Tortoise's house. They wanted their CM to revoke the ban on colas. They wanted Choke back then and there. Because rum doesn't taste the same without Choke and Pesti.
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