Talk about common interests and experiences.
Dating apps have profiles for a reason. Scan your match’s profile and any previous messages to see if you have any interests or experiences in common you can share. Have you both traveled to South Africa? Talk about it! They’re more likely to feel a connection with you if you show them you have some things in common and have been paying attention to their profile, pictures, and chats. Go for something like: “I’m addicted to pop music and Ariana Grande. I see you’re also a fan!” “I spend a lot of time in nature and love exploring the great outdoors (couldn’t help but notice your national park pictures, they look amazing!)” “I’m always reading and on the lookout for new book recommendations. Looks like you’ve got quite the book collection as well. Any suggestions for me?”
Highlight the most unique things about you.
Talk about what makes you the most interesting person on the planet. Chances are you’re not the only person on the app telling your match about themselves. Niche or rare experiences make you stand out from the crowd and make for more memorable conversations. Use fun facts or quick stories to make normal activities seem interesting: “I own every Metallica tour t-shirt” is a lot cooler than “I like concerts.” “I love teaching my 3rd grade math class. One time we researched celebrity outfits and calculated how much their looks cost.” “I’ve traveled to 17 countries so far, and I’ve tried bagels from each one to see who does it best.”
Be open about your intentions.
Make your intentions clear to avoid confusion or hurt feelings. Tell your match what you’re looking to get out of the dating app experience. Are you looking for a long-term relationship? Do you only want casual dates right now? This is the time to make sure you’re both on the same page about what you want. Say something like: “I’m mainly interested in casual dates and meeting people right now, but would be open to something more serious if the chemistry’s right.” “I’m on here to find a long-term girlfriend I can settle down and build a life together with.” “I’m looking for a fun summer fling before I move to France in the fall.” Remember, you’re free to say as much or as little as you want. A good rule of thumb is to keep your answer around 70% about you and 30% about what you’re looking for in a partner or relationship.
Tell your match about major changes or milestones.
Share important facts that would affect a potential relationship with you. If you’re only in town for a few more months because you got a new job and are moving soon, mention that. A match looking for a long-term relationship would feel blindsided later on if you hit it off and then told them you had to leave. Give them the information that you would want to know about them. Try something like: “I’m leaving in a few weeks to go back to school in California, so we’d be doing some long distance chatting most of the year.” “I work night shifts most of the time and my schedule is pretty opposite to most people’s.” It’s up to you to decide what is relevant to share. Being a parent, having a job where you travel frequently, or living part-time in another country are all potential things you might want your match to know. Use your judgment to determine what they need to know about you.
Get specific.
Give fun details that show what you’re doing at the moment. Tell your match about a new project at work you just started, your most recent hike if you love the outdoors, or a new recipe you tried if you’re a great baker. You can go in depth about anything. The details communicate more about you, and your match will start to get a picture of what your life actually looks like. Instead of a boring “I like soccer,” try a more detailed sentence like “I love playing soccer with my friends and we’re planning a pickup game tomorrow.” Go for “I’m psyched about a new project at work where I get to photograph fancy desserts for a restaurant’s Instagram account” instead of “I work in social media.” “I just ran my fastest 10K race ever last week. Can’t wait for the next one!” sounds a lot more enthusiastic than “I’m a runner.”
Bring up interests that aren’t in your profile.
Your match already knows some basics about you from your profile. You don’t need to tell them you’re a pharmacist in Louisville since they probably read that when they matched with you. Jump to the highlights that will get a reaction or build on common ground. Your answer should be about the “you” that’s not obvious from your profile. Share something like: “When I’m not working, I’m usually out for a walk along the lake or volunteering at a youth center in my neighborhood.” “Family’s really important to me and I try to visit my parents out in the suburbs once or twice a month.” “I love organizing events and always get asked to plan the holiday parties at work.”
Share a slightly personal story.
Give the “why” or “how” behind the facts in your profile. Include a sentence or two that explains why you chose your job, or what inspired you to pick up your latest hobby. Subtle personal details make you seem more interesting, and your match is more likely to open up in response. For example, try saying something like, “I’ve always enjoyed helping people and that inspired me to start my career in nursing” instead of an impersonal “I’m a nurse.” Keep your answer light and fun. A few personal details go a long way in making a connection, but too many too soon will have your match wishing they swiped left.
Add emojis to keep your tone playful and flirty. ????
Emojis are a great way to express yourself and keep your answer light. Add a smiley face ???? after things that make you happy, or a smirk ???? if you’re telling a mischievous story or trying to see how flirty your match will get. There’s an emoji for just about any feeling or hobby imaginable to help illustrate your messages. Try using them like this: "I’m looking someone who loves to cuddle ???? physical touch is totally my love language." "I'm a big surfer and love to vacation in places where I can catch new waves ????????♂️" Sentences made entirely of emojis are hard to understand and easy to misinterpret. Instead of ????❤️????, just say "I love Paris" (or "J'adore Paris" if you're trying to score some foreign language points).
Keep the drama out of your answer.
Only mention details that make for upbeat conversation. At this point in the game, your match knows very little about you and they’ll be turned off if your answer is full of personal problems and heavy emotions. Focus on the positives and not on family drama or your latest argument with a friend. This also applies to sending nudes or sexts. Your conversation might progress to those kinds of messages later, but lewd comments or innuendos are best left unsent in the early stages.
Assume the other person is interested in what you’re saying.
Pretend your match finds everything you say 100% fascinating. Go in depth, make niche references, and show you’re passionate. Give them a chance to reciprocate your energy and wit. You’ll avoid small talk and get right to rich conversations when you assume they’re just as excited to have a deep chat as you are. If they know what you’re talking about, great! If they don’t, then you have new opportunities for conversation.
Try audio messages.
Some apps support audio messages for a more personal touch. It can be hard to convey an energetic or warm tone over text. Recording your answer as a voice note is a fun and casual way to show off your personality. Plus, you don’t have to worry about fixing your hair or picking up the clothes on the floor of your bedroom since there’s no video component. An audio message right off the bat might come on too strong, so stick to text when you first match. If you’re comfortable with your match, ask something like, “Is it ok to send you an audio message?” or “Do you want to swap voice notes instead of texting?”
Be enthusiastic and optimistic.
Convince your match you’re satisfied with where you are in life. Even if you’re not in love with your job or the city you live in, find a way to put a positive spin on it. If you come off as bored or disinterested in your own life, your match will be just as disinterested in you too. If you think your job is boring, tell them something redeeming about it like, “Office Max isn’t my dream job, but the schedule lets me pursue my real passion which is music.” Then you get to tell them about your music, too. Use exclamation points. Really! Sentences ending with periods read as less sincere, so sprinkle in some exclamation points to show you’re enthusiastic about yourself.
Go with the flow.
Send a customized message to everyone you talk to. Each match is going to make you think of different stories or fun facts to share. Lean into it and make each dialogue with a match unique for a more rewarding conversation. Repeating the same answer every time takes the fun and spontaneity out of the dating app experience.
Be yourself.
Dating apps aren’t about connecting with every person possible. Be authentic and you will hit it off with the right matches. Send an honest answer based on your interests and experiences instead of on what you see in their profile. If the conversation progresses or you meet in person, they’ll probably find out you were dishonest. You have little to lose when it comes to your first couple of messages with a new match, so reveal as much or as little as feels right and keep it real.
Have fun!
You’re on a dating app to enjoy yourself and meet new people. Responding to messages shouldn’t feel like homework. If it does, put the phone down and do something else for a while. Come back when you feel refreshed and ready to engage in a conversation.
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