Inspiring Trust
Tell her you believe in her. One of the most important things for a child to learn is to trust herself. Show her this by having faith in her. When she leaves the safety of your home, you will want to know that she feels confident and trusts her own instincts and ability to take care of herself. The more sure of this she is, the better off she will be. When she's lacking confidence, remind her of her strengths and accomplishments. Resist the temptation to constantly give her advice. Allow her to make her own decisions, and support her through them.
Keep in touch. It goes without saying that this is a tough one for every parent. Keep a balance between creating space for your daughter to enjoy her new life, and maintaining regular contact. Show her you're understanding and caring. Follow your instincts and give her a call when you feel you’re needed. Be available for your daughter for phone and Skype calls. Resist the urge to micromanage your daughter's life or know every single detail. Some separation between you both is healthy.
Make time for a talk beforehand, not the day she leaves. There’s always a lot to say and share with your daughter in life’s big moments, and this is one of them. Take the time to contemplate what you want to say to her and make time to sit together quietly without distractions. You don’t want to try to say a lot as she’s trying to get out the door. It will create anxiety and frustration. A nice heart to heart over a meal will offer comfort and security for both of you. Listen more than you talk. Give her a chance to tell you how she's feeling about moving away from home. Reflect on her successes and dreams, and tell her you are proud of her accomplishments and positive choices in life. If you sense your daughter is struggling, ask her what she needs from you. She can suggest ways for you to support her that would be welcome.
Share your experiences of when you first moved away from home. Tell her how you felt, if you were excited and a little scared. Laugh at your mistakes, and share with her how you got through them. Answer her questions about what it was like for you, and what you would do differently. Keep the talk positive. If you experienced difficulties, focus on what helped you overcome them. Take out your photo albums and show her college pictures, or photos of your first apartment or home.
Offering Security
Keep her room as is. Tell her that her room will be the same when she comes home for visits. She may feel comforted and more secure knowing that all of her old things are still there when she comes back. Tell her right away if you plan on selling the house and moving. Let her know there will always be a room for her in your home, wherever it is. Decide together if you want to pack up some of her things, or update her room, but don’t force this or rush it. If you decide to move, include her in the process. Send her pictures of the places you're looking at.
Take care of yourself. Reassure her that you’ll be okay. Often, our kids are just as worried about us as we are about them. Show your daughter that you’ll miss her, but make sure she knows you’re enjoying your life too. Do what you love, and when you talk, share it with her. Spend time with other parents whose kids have recently moved out, and offer each other comfort, tips, and advice. Ask a friend to do something together so you have something to look forward to the days after she leaves.
Plan regular visits. Ask her when it's best to come visit and plan some time together. Bring the family pet. Check out the local area ahead of time and arrange for some time exploring the area and doing some of her favorite things. Your child doesn’t have to grow up overnight, and neither do you. Enjoy these moments of interdependence and cherish each other. Go to a local museum. Find a restaurant with her favorite type of food.
Help out with household tasks. If you live close enough to her, offer assistance by helping with some of the household tasks, especially when she's busy with exams, or starting a family. Having the extra support will ease her mind and reduce stress. Set up a laundry service for her when she's struggling to keep up with everything, if she lives further away, or you don't have time yourself. Do her laundry for her when she needs an extra hand. Prepare a warm, home cooked meal.
Keep up with family traditions. Spending holidays together and sharing family traditions may become more difficult, but they will strengthen your relationships. Plan where you will spend holidays together, and continue with your traditions, whatever those are for you and your family. When she's home, plan a dinner or small party with family and friends. Go to a spiritual teaching together (church, synagogue, mosque, or temple, etc.).
Send a care package with some comforting items. Put together some of her favorite, non-perishable foods and some things that will help her feel more at home. Send her a framed photograph of the family, including the family pet, if you have one. Include items that will make her dorm room, apartment, or home feel more cozy, like posters of her favorite artists, band, or musicians, a warm throw, and a favorite book or movie on DVD. Add in some of her favorite cookies for her to share with her roommate, friends, or husband. If you don't bake, send her an edible arrangement, or a box of fresh fruit for healthy snacks.
Helping Your Daughter Be Successful
Show her how to budget. Share your knowledge about how to save and where to find the best deals. Talk about overdraft fees and how her account works so she will not overspend and waste money on extra charges. Offer to set up a monthly budget until she learns to do it for herself. Go to the bank together to set up a savings account and learn about what services and accounts the bank offers. Teaching her a healthy wariness of carrying debt can help her make smart financial choices.
Teach her to cook healthy, inexpensive meals. Show her how to keep food fresh and the fridge clean. Send her recipes for quick, healthy meals, and share tips on how to prepare food that’s nutritious and satisfying, but not time consuming. When you visit, take her food shopping and fill up her fridge with healthy foods. Make her favorite meals and freeze extra portions for later.
Talk to her about safety. Teach your daughter how to take precautions for her own safety and wellbeing. Find out what the campus and local area does to protect young women, and create a list of contacts for her to hang on her fridge. Ask her if she’d like to take self-defense classes at her school or near her home. Teaching her to be vigilant in certain situations can help keep her safe. Relating some basics about internet safety, such as not sharing her personal information or location on social media, can also be valuable.
Teach her to be disciplined, professional, and self-reliant. Show her the benefits of a strong work ethic and positive attitude. Encourage her to find a part or full-time job, depending on school or family responsibilities. Help her find her professional niche and use your contacts to give her more opportunities. Offer to introduce her to any friends, colleagues, or peers who work in her field of interest. With her permission, ask for their guidance and professional support to help her career flourish. Take her clothes shopping and buy her a suit, or professional attire, for interviews. Set up a meeting with a life coach or consultant to help guide her in her dreams.
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