Telling Them Jokes
Know your audience. If you want someone to really appreciate a joke, and smile at it, you need to tell a joke you know will appeal to their particular sense of humor. You can’t tell a joke that you know they’ll find offensive or dull and expect them to appreciate it. Try to play to their interests and sensibilities to get them to laugh. For example, if your friend is a big fan of puns, you could tell them a joke with a pun as the punchline, like “Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.” If your friend likes knock-knock jokes, you could tell them this one: “Knock, knock. Who's there? Amish! Amish who? You're not a shoe!”
Follow the rule of 3. The rule of 3 is a classic joke-telling pattern in which the punchline is delivered in the third line of the joke. The first 2 lines set up the pattern of the joke, while the third line breaks the pattern. For example: “I go to Las Vegas to see the shows, eat at the buffets, and visit my money.” Here, 2 expected things set the pattern and then are followed by something unexpected. Another example would be “A man goes into a psychiatrist, and says, ‘Doctor, my brother thinks he’s a chicken.’ The doctor says, ‘Why don’t you take him to the hospital?’ The man says, ‘I would, but we need the eggs.’”
Practice your rhythm and timing. Rhythm and timing are essential to good joke-telling. The rhythm dictates the structure of a joke (the order in which each part of a joke is delivered from setup to punchline), while timing relates to a joke-teller’s ability to judge when each part of the joke should be delivered given the responses of the audience. Practice telling your joke over and over to get a sense of your command of the best rhythm and timing. You can practice in a mirror, record yourself with your phone, or tell your joke to another person.
Tell your joke at the right time. Wait for the right moment. If the person you want to tell your joke to is distracted by something else or is in a particularly bad mood, they may not be receptive to your joke or want to pay attention to it. Wait until you have the full attention and focus before you tell your joke to them. Some bad moods may be more receptive to jokes than others. If someone is angry or has just experienced a major loss, they probably won’t want to hear a joke. If they’re just having a bad day or are momentarily upset about something, a joke might be able to cheer them up.
Giving Them Compliments
Be specific about why you’re complimenting them. The most memorable compliments are ones that include specific examples explaining why the compliment is worth giving. For example, don’t just say that someone is kind; give an example of a time when that person was kind. Try to use examples that are recent. It may seem odd if you compliment someone for something they did several months earlier. For example, you could say “I thought it was really nice of you to plan our friend’s birthday party the other day.”
Give honest compliments, not fake ones. People can tell if you’re not giving a real compliment. So, don’t tell them that they’re kind if they’re not really that kind. Instead, find something about them that is genuinely worthy of a compliment. Everyone has something for which you can compliment them. For example, you could say “I think you’re the smartest person on our trivia team. You always know the answers to the tough science and math questions.”
Acknowledge how their character made the compliment worth giving. The best compliments are ones that reflect positively on a person not just in the moment, but on a fundamental level. Think about how their character or personality influenced the act that made them worthy of a compliment and how that makes them unique. If you compliment someone for a specific act of kindness, for example, you could tell them that you think they are a kind person in general with a unique generosity of spirit. For instance, you could say “It was really nice of you to help that person change their tire. Not many people would do that, and I think it just shows how generous and giving you are.”
Tell them how much you appreciate what they did to deserve the compliment. Showing your appreciation for what someone has done always makes your compliment more memorable and makes them appreciate it even more. Plus it will help to strengthen your relationship with that person. You could tell them how much you appreciate having such a kind friend because it makes you want to be more kind. You could also say “Seeing you volunteer at the recycling center made me realize how important the environment is, and now I want to volunteer there too.”
Sending Them a Handwritten Letter
Use a fountain pen and good quality stationery. A letter worth smiling over isn’t just going to be written on college ruled paper with a number 2 pencil. Find a good fountain pen and some good stationery online so that your letter is worth keeping. If you can’t get your hands on stationery, you could also use a blank greeting card.
Write the letter in a conversational tone. Your materials should be fancy, but your content shouldn’t. Writing your letter like an 18th-century English baron will probably be borderline incomprehensible to your recipient. Handwritten letters don’t need to be just for someone living far away. It could also be for someone you see frequently. For someone living far away, you could write about what’s happening in your life, tell your recipient how much you miss them, reminisce over shared memories, and ask them what’s new in their life. For someone you see frequently, you could write about how much you enjoy spending time with them, your thoughts on activities you’ve recently done together, and future activities you can plan with them.
Seal the letter with a wax impression. There are several options when using a wax impression for letters. You can purchase pre-made seals online with adhesive backs if you don’t want to do too much work, or you can buy wax and impressions for making seals on your own. If you make your own wax seals, you can buy wax and the impression of your choosing online or at a craft store To make the seal, use a butane lighter to melt the wax so that it drips onto your envelope to seal the bottom of the “V” on the back flap, then press the impression into the wax. You can also find wax sticks for use with a glue gun at craft stores and online.
Mail the letter. Write the recipient’s address in the center on the front of the envelope, and your own address in the top right on the front of the envelope. Then, visit your local post office during its operating hours and ask if your letter will require any special postage for mailing. Pay the postage and then give your letter to a post office employee to be mailed. Because stationery and wax seals add to the weight, you will most likely need to pay a little extra for your postage.
Giving Them Gifts
Give something you know the recipient will appreciate. Don’t just give money. Give something that appeals to your recipient’s interests and sensibilities. Focus on giving experiences rather than material goods, especially experiences that you can share together. The gift doesn’t have to be expensive, and something that costs a lot might seem like overkill anyway. Spending a few dollars on a short activity could be just as well-received as something more elaborate. For example, you could give them tickets to a concert by a musician that you both enjoy so that you can spend time together. Giving shared experiences will not only strengthen your relationship, it will show them that you appreciate their company and want to spend more time with them.
Wrap the gift. When you give a gift, it should always be wrapped. You can easily find wrapping paper online. Choose a wrapping paper that you know they will appreciate. If they like Star Wars, for example, you could wrap their gift in Star Wars wrapping paper. Even experiences can be wrapped. If you give someone concert tickets, for example, you can put the tickets in a small box and wrap the box.
Include a thoughtful message with the gift. Don’t just give the person their gift, include a card with a thoughtful message in it. Use the message to tell them how much you appreciate them and why you think they deserve the gift. For example, you could write “Since you planned our friend’s birthday party, I thought you deserved your own gift. So, I bought us concert tickets so we could spend some time together!”
Figure out the best time to give the gift. Don’t give them the gift when they’re busy or preoccupied or they won’t fully appreciate it. Choose a time when you have their full attention. You can also consider giving them the gift when they seem sad because it might cheer them up.
Smiling at Them
Pick the right time to smile. Numerous studies have shown that smiling produces a positive reaction in other people and often gets them to smile back. But, if you smile at someone at the wrong time, its impact is lost. Make sure the person you’re smiling at is giving you their full attention and is in a receptive mood for a smile. For example, it might not be a good idea to smile at someone while they’re mourning another person’s loss at a funeral, or while they’re trying to find their keys. On the other hand, it might be a better time to smile at someone if you’re having a conversation with them, comforting them after a bad day, or telling them a joke. Smiling at someone might make them smile even if you don’t know each other.
Smile with your whole face, not just your mouth. People can tell if you’re giving them a fake smile, so make sure your smile is genuine. Don’t just smile with your mouth or show your teeth, crinkle up your whole face and especially your eyes. That way they know you’re giving them a smile with your whole attention. Try practicing your smile in the mirror while you think of pleasant thoughts. That will give you a gauge of what your most genuine smile looks like.
Look them in the eyes. Eye contact is the surest way to show someone that they have your full attention, and the best smiles are given when you’re focusing entirely on the person at whom you’re smiling. Eye contact will also make your interaction more memorable for the other person, so the impact of your smile will last longer. Be aware of your emotional reaction to someone's moods. Challenging emotions like sadness, fear, boredom, anxiety, shame, or guilt make us uncomfortable. So to change their mood, we jump into immediate problem-solving. But that is not very helpful. It is better to sit, be with them, and listen to them. Research shows that it can soothe their nervous system. You need not do something or fix things. It is enough to be with them.
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