How to Get What You Want from Your Parents

Convincing Your Parents

Wait for the right moment. Take note of your parents’ moods. They may be angry with you for misbehavior, frustrated with problems at work, or sad about the troubles of a friend or their partner. If they are upset in any way, now is not the time to ask for a gift or trip anywhere. Wait until they seem happy and relaxed to ask them for anything; this will increase the likelihood you get it. Even if they are happy, if you recently got in trouble, it would be smart to wait at least a few days, or until any tension or awkwardness has faded between you. Don’t ask when your parents are extremely busy. Imagine someone asking you to go to the store and pick them up some almond milk, while you’re in the middle of doing a huge school project. Their request would seem selfish and frustrating.

Show gratitude and thanks when you ask. No one likes spoiled, ungrateful behavior. Imagine someone coming up to you and saying, “Gimme the gift I asked for already!” Most likely you will feel unappreciated and maybe insulted. You want to show your parents that the gifts you receive are valued and you appreciate the work they do to earn money and get you what you want. Try opening your request like this, “Mom, you work really hard to support us and treat us to the things we like. I’m really grateful for that, thank you.” This isn’t a trick to fool them. Don’t fake or force gratitude. Be sincere and it will go a long way in your conversation.

Don’t use hints. Making general comments in front of your parent(s) like, “Man, the Samsung Galaxy s6 looks really awesome! It’s got all these advanced features…” won’t guarantee anything. It’s possible your parents won’t get the hint. Or they’ll get it and not say anything. Either way, you don’t get what you want. Be direct with what you want. An example of direct communicating is like this, “Dad, I want to go on a trip to Florida so I can learn to surf by the beach.” Having a more proactive purpose is also helpful. Consider this example, “Mom, I really want to get a laptop so I can spend more time writing and learning to build websites so I can prepare for college.”

Use a delayed response. Don’t approach your parents expecting an immediate yes or no. Instead say something like this, “Mom, I’m going to ask you something but I don’t want an answer really quickly. Please think about it for a while first.” This will give your parents time to consider whether they are willing to buy this gift or take you where you want to go. Using this strategy shows patience, because you are willing to wait a day or more to get a reply. This could impress your parents and lead to a better outcome for you.

Be persistent. If they say no, ask them why. But don’t ask them in a pleading or whining way. Say something like "Did I do something wrong?". Be calm, ask them if there’s a reason and then see what you can do about it. This way you are not just being annoying, but mature instead. It is reasonable to have a conversation about why we do anything, so long as you ask, speak, and listen with respect. Once you understand why they said no – for example, “you don’t help around the house,” or “your grades are too low” – ask them how you could do better. Follow through and try to improve your behavior. Being calm and reasonable might actually impress your parents and help you get what you want in the long run.

Use open, positive body language. Smile. Make eye contact. Avoid folding your arms. This kind of body language helps create a more friendly environment that will increase the likelihood you get what you want. Smiling lets your parents know that even though you want something, you are still relaxed. This will make you seem more approachable and help your parents relax themselves. Stand or sit with your legs wide. Keep your back straight and shoulders relaxed. Avoid crossing your arms. All of this shows confidence, comfort, and openness. Nod when your parents are talking. Keep your head up and make regular, confident eye contact, but don’t stare. This will let your parents know that you are listening and confident.

Bargaining With Your Parents

Organize your argument before approaching them. Think about what you want and why. Is it an object or an experience? Once you know what it is, ask yourself the following questions. They will prepare you for the conversation ahead: Why do you want this? Why should your parents get it for you? If you can't think of a good answer, then don't ask your parents yet. If you don't know why you want something, they’re less likely to give it to you. To know what is a "good" reason to your parents, look at what they value. Depending on differences in culture and family this could be many things. Helping with family business and caring for siblings may impress some parents, whereas efforts in school and extracurricular activities may convince other parents more effectively. Figure out when they have praised and appreciated your actions; these are "good" reasons to get you what you want. It's also possible that some parents will be more impressed by logical arguments. Prepare a few good reasons why you want or need this item/trip/experience. It will show your parents you aren’t just acting on impulse or cravings, and have given thought before coming to them. Some "good" examples may be that it will help you progress in school, prepare you for adulthood, or help you grow as a person. Other "good" answers may be that it will feed your imagination, bring you relief from the challenges in your life, or benefit the entire family and/or community. Reasons that focus on self-centered, or irrational wants will be less convincing. For example don’t say, “because my friend has one.” Parents will often take this to mean you are just following fads, want to be like others, and won’t really value the gift. Other not so "good" reasons are that you "just want it," that you “deserve it,” or that you “need to have it.” Also, complaining that they are mean parents if they don't get it for you is also unlikely to work.

Look up retail prices. Check eBay, Amazon, and other used goods vendors for lower prices. If it is an experience, look for cheap travel options, as well as inexpensive places to stay. When you go to your parents and present all this information, they will know you care not just about what you want, but also about their resources. Work out how long it would take you to save up half of the cost, as well as the entire cost. If your parents are willing to split it, these numbers will come in handy during your conversation. If you feel certain it's something you won't get, try to accept that possibility. If you succeed, you'll feel much more appreciative. If you end up being right, it will help you let go of any hard feelings towards your parents.

Offer to do more chores as a trade. If your parents say no, it may be because they don’t think you have earned what you desire. Meet this head on and offer to work for what you want. They will likely respect you showing dedication and effort. Even if they don’t agree to the deal, follow through with your suggestion anyway. It’s possible over time it will impress them and you’ll get what you want in the long run. It’s all about showing them you are growing into a responsible person. Examples of work you could offer to do are doing laundry, cleaning kitchens and bathrooms, sweeping/vacuuming floors, taking care of pets, mowing the lawn, pressure washing outdoor surfaces, and organizing cluttered spaces.

Pay for half of what you want. It’s possible your parents just don’t have enough free money to buy what you want. Or maybe they have the money, but just don’t feel comfortable buying you something (or paying for a trip) because it is so expensive. Offering to help pay will show them you’re invested and willing to work for what you want. Get a part time job to earn money. If you are too young to work legally, ask your parents if you can earn money doing small jobs for them. Save any money you earn until you have enough to pay for half of what you want (or to pay for gas on a trip somewhere). Come to your parents once you have all you need. Showing them you can plan, work, and save on your own may convince them.

Pleasing Your Parents

Improve your grades. Alongside doing chores, this may be one of the best options for improving your parents’ attitude towards getting you a gift or taking you somewhere you want. Is there a specific topic you have trouble with in school? Tell your parents you’re going to try harder to understand that subject. Follow through by studying and improving your grades. Show your parents the results. Ultimately, your parents want you to succeed in life, grow smarter, and set yourself up to thrive as an adult. Raising your grades is solid proof you’re making an effort to do just that. See if you can make a deal with them that for each class you raise one grade level, you will get a certain gift. Or if it is an expensive gift/trip, for each class you raise a grade, they will pay for another portion of the cost.

Do what they ask of you the first time. Parents are often frustrated because they feel their children don’t listen to them. They wonder why they have to ask many times for children to act. Instead, be obedient as long as their requests are reasonable. Take a shower when they ask, clean up your room when they say. Follow their lead and they will feel respected. As you meet their wants and needs, over time this will make them more likely to fulfill yours. As you figure out all of the things your parents want you to do on a regular basis, start doing them before they ask. Set the table once dinner is almost ready, vacuum the house, or mow the lawn. Acting without having to be told is even more impressive and appreciated. This is a “long game” approach. If you follow this step consistently, your parents may begin to appreciate and respect your efforts more. This will benefit you any time you want something from them.

Take on small responsibilities. This is similar to doing chores but the key difference here is that you don’t want to act like they are awful duties you just do because you have to. Instead, offer willingly to take charge of small tasks or take on more responsibility around the house that normally your parents would do. This is another long-term strategy to show your parents that you want to give back to your family and help it grow and sustain itself. It also shows you do not resent your responsibilities. Acting this way is considered more grown-up and will earn your parents’ respect. Ultimately it will contribute to getting what you want with less resistance. Any housework your parents normally do that they wouldn't ask you to do is a possible choice. Make sure you feel capable and know how to safely perform any chores before asking to take them on. Typical chores like cleaning, caring for pets, and mowing lawns are also good choices. The key here is an attitude of willingly contributing to the family’s greater good.

Meet their needs. Just like you, your parents have many needs. The more they are met, the more likely they will be open to giving you what you want. Take time to understand what they need and give it to them in any way you can. Parents need to know that their children are safe, and not in danger when they can’t be there with them. Act responsibly when you’re in front of them. Chose responsible, trustworthy friends so they do not worry as much. Parents want to feel respected, and heard. Don’t insult them or call them names. When they are upset with you, listen to what they are saying and try to understand. Parents need their children to know who they are. It takes most kids until they are grown to see their parents as people. Take time to ask about their lives. Not only will it make them more likely to give you what you want, but it will help build an open, communicative relationship.

Make them feel confident as parents. Another way to say this is, “make them look good.” There is no one way to raise kids, and parents sometimes feel insecure or judged about how well they are doing. Help them feel like they’re doing a good job by behaving in public. Be friendly and polite around their friends or the parents of your friends. Engage in conversation with their friends, answer all the questions they ask you, and try to be as interested as possible. Show respect and politeness to your elders (not just the elderly, but all people who are older than you).

Don’t complain. Even if you feel it’s unfair and you deserve what you’re asking for, resist the temptation to protest. It’s okay to ask questions in a calm, mature manner, but grumbling and whining will confirm to your parents that they shouldn’t get you what you want. It looks like you feel entitled to what you want, and this kind of attitude can upset your parents. This step applies to all your interactions with your parents. If you complain, yell, or flip out, you’ll get the same in return. It’s more likely your parents will get defensive and see you as misbehaving.

Be happy with what you have. Take stock of all the things your parents have already provided for you. Spend time enjoying all the gifts and experiences you’ve already had, instead of enjoying them for a moment and then tossing them aside. Appreciating what you already have will make you happier in the long run and also show your parents that their gifts are not wasted on an ungrateful child.