Dealing with Other People's Kids
Wait for the child’s parents to speak up. Parenting is a very personal thing so avoid disciplining someone else’s child without the permission of his or her parents. Your actions may seem inappropriate if you don’t have similar parenting techniques. For example, some parents may not yell or scold their children publicly. Discipline is not your job and neither is seeing if the child’s parents discipline their child. Children may work out their bad behavior amongst themselves so there may not even be a need to interfere. Try to stay out of day-to-day stuff so that children learn to play with others. For less severe behaviour you can distract a child without disciplining them. Offer them to get a drink or play at a new area.
Don’t single anyone out. Use “we” instead of “you” to create a more communal or team oriented approach. You don’t want a child to feel like he or she is being picked on for being a problem. For example, say something like “We don’t say that, that’s not nice.”
Remove your own child from the situation. If another child has become uncontrollable and violent, immediately take your child away. Whether you make an excuse to leave or inform the child’s parents that it’s time for a break, your child’s safety is your number 1 concern. If it is happening at your home, simply separate the children into different rooms and call their parents.
Speak to your child. Don't allow another child’s bad behavior to influence your child. Talk to your child about how every family has their own rules, and it is important to follow your own family’s rules wherever they go. Let your child know what is expected of him or her beforehand and check in afterwards for affirmation or discipline if s/he hasn’t followed your rules.
Talk to the parents of the problematic child. Be careful not to offend as you may come across as judgmental and they may accuse you of your own parenting shortcomings. Ease into the conversation with a compliment and come to a satisfactory solution together. For example, say something like “Simon is a great boy and our son loves when he can stay and play but sometimes Simon is a bit too rough.” Make sure only to let the parents know, as the kids or other parents may make them become defensive if present.
Treat kids like people. Try not to use a different tone or dumb down your vocabulary when talking to children. You just want to have a conversation so don’t build it up to something more especially if you’re already anxious around kids.
Find out their interests. Make a connection by listening to what these children talk about and asking questions. This is easy as kids often will start a conversation without being prompted if comfortable. If you are dealing with shy children, engage them by talking about toys that they enjoy. If you are finding it difficult, think of yourself as a sportscaster and simply narrate the action that you see. “Oh, you’re playing with blocks. Looks like a castle. Is it a castle?” Let the child feel that you are interested and s/he will become engaged in a conversation.
Get down to the kid's level. Get down to eye level and make eye contact. Sit on a chair, get down on one knee, or just lower yourself down to make yourself less intimidating to a child. Also, don’t talk too fast or loud. Never touch someone else's child, even in an innocent and/or non-threatening way, because it could be misinterpreted by the child and/or someone watching you, especially the child's parents or guardian.
Ask the right questions. Ask questions about games, toys, movies, etc. Don’t ask private questions that may make them uncomfortable like “Do you have a girlfriend?” Try asking questions that have to do with the child’s future, such as their goals and dreams, or ask about their hobbies and interests. You want to ask questions that make them happy and want to interact with you in a positive way.
Refer kids back to their parents. Kids tend not to have a filter so if they ask something that you feel is inappropriate for you to answer, defer them back to their parents. You may also ask them to answer it. “What do you think?” For example, “That’s an awesome question! I bet your mom and dad know the answer better than me.” Make sure to let the child know that you will write down their question and give it to their parents so that they can answer it for them.
Talk to an adult. If you're in a place of business, like a restaurant or office, you can talk to a manager if a child’s behavior is bothering you. You can asked to be moved or for them to speak to the parents. However, make sure the situation warrants you speaking up. If you can simply tune the child out, do it. If you’re in a restaurant and a child’s parents are allowing their child to be obnoxious and over the top, chances are other customers will also speak up. Be careful not to bother staff or parents with petty requests.
See things from the perspective of the child or his parents. Kids are allowed to have fun and laugh. They may be oblivious to social etiquette, but they have rights to be themselves. Kids will especially be rambunctious if they are in a new place and have been bored the entire day. Also, remember parents have a right to take out their kids and relieve some stress of being at home. Empathize with parents and the stress that comes with having to entertain children. If you approach a parent in a confrontational way, you may be adding to his or her stress. A better approach is to be helpful and to keep calm.
Dealing With Your Own Kids
Reassure clinginess. While some kids are more sociable than others, your child can become clingy when she is uneasy about a new situation. Kids can read body language and look to you for reassurance. Don’t forcibly pry your child off you but allow her to stay close for about ten minutes and slowly separate yourself. Sit close by, play with her, and talk to her but don’t hold your child. Stay in the same room as you slowly move away. Make sure to always say goodbye to let your child know that you will be returning. If you have an infant or toddler, try wearing them in a carrier or sling. This can help to make them feel more secure.
Set the tone and don’t reinforce whining. Kids whine because they want something but don’t know how to get it. Don’t give in to your child but rather model the tone you would like your child to use. Say things like, “use your words” or “does daddy like whining? How do you ask for something?” In a calm voice, say "It's not okay to speak to me like that." Make sure to praise your child when he uses the correct tone and asks for something politely. Show him or her what you mean if he or she doesn’t remember how to ask.
Set rules for tattling. Kids tell on each other because they are developing their sense of right and wrong and get upset when they see a rule being broken. Tell your child that it’s your job to find out who’s breaking the rules as long as no one is getting hurt or doing something dangerous. Cut down on siblings squabbling by giving them their separate space. If you are short on space, even assigning a corner to each sibling can suffice. Let them be able to put their stuff down and know that they are in charge of that area.
Get your child involved in food preparation to avoid picky eating. Children are naturally picky eaters as they want familiar food to comfort them. It is also one of the only times when they can have control. Get your child involved in choosing and preparing his or her own food. For example, allow him or her to wash the potatoes or sprinkle cheese on pasta. You may also set a timer so your child doesn’t dilly dally during a meal. If your child is hungry, keep healthy snacks available on low shelves. Snacks like whole-grain cereal and granola. Ask your child to help you find recipes to use for meals, such as by searching online with them or looking through cookbooks.
Don’t let your kids avoid chores. Kids avoid chores because they obviously don’t enjoy doing them. Place a large box somewhere inconvenient, like the garage, and place any toys in for a few days if your kids don’t put it away when you ask. This teaches them to not only put their toys away but also that there is a consequence for not following rules.
Get your child to cuss alone. Children enjoy cursing once they see the reaction it gets from others. They may want to get attention or may think it’s appropriate if they see adults repeating it. Don’t make a big deal of a curse word, but tell your son or daughter to go upstairs and curse all he or she wants in his or her room. Not having an audience makes it less entertaining. Let other family know that it’s not okay to laugh when your child curses. Also, let your child know that curse words can hurt people’s feelings. Find replacement words with your child so they don’t use more vulgar language.
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