Being Supportive and Caring
Be a good listener. Support your girlfriend by listening to what she has to say. Avoid interrupting her or cutting her off when she speaks. Instead, make eye contact with her when she talks and nod your head to show her you are listening. Give her your full attention so she knows you care about what she has to say. Avoid looking at your phone or your computer while she speaks, as this will just show her you are not listening. Try not to speak too much when she speaks or feel like you need to come up with a solution to her issue. Men have a tendency to want to fix things. Instead, simply pay attention to her when she speaks. Sometimes, listening is really what she wants you to do. Let her know you are listening by telling her, “I hear what you are saying” or “What I think you are saying is..”
Show an interest in her interests. Let your girlfriend know you want to know about her likes and dislikes as well as what she likes to do for fun. Ask questions about her day and her interests to show her you want to get to know her as a person and connect on a deeper level. For example, you may ask her, “What television shows are you into lately?” or “How was your workout this morning?” You may also ask follow up questions if you know she is interested in certain things, such as books, movies, sports, or art. For example, you may ask, “How was that book you were reading?” or “Did soccer practice go well?” You can also invite her to participate in your interests. If you like rock climbing, for example, offer to take her to a beginner's climbing wall sometime and teach her. This lets her see part of your world, and helps establish common ground.
Take her on dates regularly. Have a regular date night where you go out just the two of you and do something you both enjoy, such as going for dinner or seeing a movie. Plan dates for special occasions, such as your anniversary or her birthday. Show her you care about her and want to celebrate her. For example, you may plan a surprise birthday party for her to show her you care and want her to feel special. Or you may plan a happy graduation dinner at her favorite restaurant. You can also take her out to celebrate small things such as finishing a project at work or surviving a strenuous family visit. Dates don't need to be expensive. You ca get creative and try a fun date night like having a water balloon fight and picnic in your back yard.
Compliment her and thank her. Let your girlfriend know you appreciate her by expressing your gratitude and appreciation. A compliment as simple as “You look beautiful” or “I like your new haircut” can make your girlfriend feel needed and desired by you. When she does something thoughtful for you, give her your thanks. You can also compliment her on a deeper level to let her know you appreciate her. For example, you may say, “I appreciate all that you do for me, thank you” or “I’m so glad I found you.” Make your compliments specific. If she makes your favorite meal just to surprise you, for example, tell her, "I really appreciate that you know how much this meal means to me, and it is so meaningful that you went out of your way to do this. You made me feel so special."
Point out her strengths. Let her know what you like about her, especially if they are things she doesn't recognize in herself. If, for example, she is friendly and patient toward cranky people, tell her, "I really like how nice you are even when people aren't nice to you."
Support her when she is going through a hard time. If you know your girlfriend is struggling with something in her life, such as school, her job, her friends, or her family, be an emotional support for her. You can do this by asking her how she’s doing and by paying extra attention to her needs. You can also let her know you are there if she wants to talk about her struggles. For example, if you know she is having a hard time with school, you may offer to tutor her after class. Or you may work on homework with her so she can get it done and succeed in her classes.
Handling Conflict and Arguments with Her
Avoid the urge to yell or shout. Yelling, shouting, and raising your voice at your girlfriend will only lead to a dramatic fight. It will likely make the situation worse and make your girlfriend more angry or upset. When you feel the urge to yell or shout, try taking a deep breath so you can calm down. Remember that lashing out at your girlfriend will not help to resolve the argument or make the situation better. Avoid name calling and criticizing, too.
Try to discuss the issue rationally and honestly. Use an even tone of voice and try to approach the conflict or argument in a rational way. Encourage your girlfriend to share her point of view and express why she is upset. Be open to her honesty and her perspective. For example, you may say to her, “I’m struggling to understand your perspective. Please explain it to me” or “I’m not sure what I did wrong. Can you explain it to me?”
Be upfront about your feelings. It is important that you not be afraid to express how you are feeling to your girlfriend, especially during an argument. Try not to shut down or close off from her. Instead, be honest about your emotions. For example, you may say, “To be honest, I’ve been feeling pretty down this past week and that’s why I haven’t been as attentive to your needs.” Or you may say, “Honestly, I’ve been feeling overwhelmed at school so that might be why I haven’t been as emotionally present for you.” Men sometimes have difficulty naming their emotions. Let her know if you are feeling something that you can't quite name or express and try to explain what you're feeling as best as possible.
Admit when you are wrong and apologize. If you have done something to hurt your girlfriend or make her upset, swallow your pride and apologize for your actions. Admitting when you are wrong does not mean you are being weak or less of a man. In fact, being willing to admit your mistakes shows that you are able to be self-reflective and self-aware. It also lets your girlfriend know you are willing to take accountability for your actions. For example, you may say to your girlfriend, “After our discussion, I realize I was wrong to have not called you. I’m sorry I did that to you.” Or you may say, “Now that we’ve talked, I get why you are upset at me. I’m sorry for what I did.”
Work with your girlfriend to resolve the issue. Talk with your girlfriend about how you can resolve the issue or problem you are fighting about. Rather than ask her what to do, come up with your own possible solutions. Maybe the solution is an apology from you or a compromise where you both get half of what you want. Work together as a team to come to a resolution. For example, you may agree to change your behavior as a solution to the issue. You may say, “I will work on being on time for our dates from now on” or “I promise that I won’t forget to call you back.” You can also both agree to compromise to resolve the conflict. For example, you may both agree to be more honest with each other about any problems you are having at home or at school in the future.
Maintaining a Healthy Relationship
Stay committed to her. Part of being a good boyfriend is staying loyal and committed to your relationship with your girlfriend. Avoid flirting with other girls or blowing off your girlfriend to be with friends. Show her you are committed by spending quality time with her and paying attention to her when you are out socially or with a group. Part of being committed to your girlfriend is also trusting her and not being too protective or overbearing. Try not to control her life or her decisions. Instead of policing her actions or trying to control her, support and trust her.
Find things you have in common and explore them together. Deepen your relationship by pursuing activities or interests that you have in common. Focus on things that you both share and enjoy. For example, if you both enjoy travelling, plan a trip together overseas. If you both like to watch movies at home, designate one night movie night and watch all of your favorite flicks together.
Share household responsibilities if you live together. If you and your girlfriend share a home, make sure you pull your weight. Split the household chores with her, such as taking out the garbage or cleaning the kitchen. Try to keep your contributions to maintaining your home equal and fair. If you both have issues around household responsibilities, make sure you talk about it honestly and openly. Work through the issues together and find a compromise where you both are happy.
Surprise her with special dates or gifts. Keep your relationship spontaneous and exciting by planning surprise dates or leaving special gifts for her to find. Let your girlfriend know you appreciate her by surprising her on occasion. You may surprise her with something simple, like a bouquet of flowers or a small gift. Or you may surprise her by taking her out for dinner or to do an activity that you know she would enjoy. Be open to your girlfriend surprising you with special dates or gifts, as well! Pay attention when she is generous and giving to you, so you can also feel appreciated and loved. Always thank her.
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