- Recognize that his kids and their needs will always take precedence over you and his relationship with you.
- Control your jealousy if his ex is still in the picture. Remember that the kids benefit from the two of them being on good terms.
- Let him decide when to introduce you to his kids. Avoid pressuring him and trust him to do so when the time is right.
His kids will be his #1 priority.
Go into the relationship assuming that you'll always come in second. When you date a single dad, his children will always come first, before anything else—including you and his relationship with you. This can be frustrating, especially if you don't have kids of your own, but it's important to be respectful and supportive. For example, you might be on a date when his babysitter calls and says that one of his kids is sick, so he has to cut the date short and rush home. What to Do: Instead of getting upset or showing disappointment in these situations, ask if there's anything you can do to help. Show him that you understand and support him.
His ex will still be a part of his life.
Keep your jealousy in check when it comes to his ex. If his ex is still in his life, it's typically best if you don't have a lot of involvement with them—especially at first. In the meantime, recognize the role they fulfill in their children's lives and don't try to come between them. Reminding yourself of that can help you overcome any jealous feelings you might have. Just as a single dad puts his children first, their mother is likely to be a high priority for him as well. This is for the good of the kids—not because he's still in love with her or wants to get back together with her. What to Do: Try to avoid getting upset if his ex interrupts a date or otherwise seems to be interfering. Keep in mind that he's going to have to keep in regular contact with her because of the kids.
He won't introduce you to the kids right away.
Follow his timetable when it comes to introducing you to his kids. Introducing you to his kids is a serious step, so don't assume that this is going to happen quickly. It likely won't happen until he's sure that you're going to be in his life for a significant period of time. What to Do: Avoid pressuring him about it or telling him that you want to meet his kids. Respect the fact that he's going to wait until the time is right and doesn't want to rush things.
He'll like it if you're curious about his kids.
Ask about their interests and get involved when appropriate. Finding out about his kids' hobbies and interests gives you the opportunity to deepen your relationship with them if you get to that point. You'll have something to talk about and can even come up with fun activities you could all do together that the kids would also enjoy. For example, if you're dating a single dad with a son and the son loves baseball, you might get baseball tickets and take him and his dad to a game. What to Do: Find out what his kids' interests are and ask if there's anything you can do to help or support them.
His kids may not accept you right away.
Understand that the kids will likely be confused by your presence. It can take kids a while to understand your role in their lives and in their father's life—especially if they're too young to understand adult relationships. Have patience and empathize with what the child is going through so you can interact with them more positively. How they react to you might also depend on whether their mother is still in their life and what their relationship with their mother was like. It's common for kids to believe that you're coming in to be a "replacement" for their mother, which is something they might have a problem with. What to Do: Keep a low profile, especially when you've just met them. Let them take the lead in building a relationship with you.
He'll probably want to take things slowly.
Give him time to open up and trust you. Single dads often move more slowly in a relationship because they have their kids to think about. They're not just looking for someone that's great for them, but someone that could blend into their family as well. It can take a while (think several months to a year) for him to get to the point where he trusts you enough to be really vulnerable with you. What to Do: Avoid pressuring him to get more serious before he's ready. Be willing to follow his timeline and have patience. Let him know that you're willing to take it slow.
He could use your help and support.
Offer assistance and share resources when it feels right. This also means having clear boundaries on when, where, and how you'll see each other and what your role is or eventually will be with his kids. Make sure he understands that you're there to support him, not to be a distraction from his parental responsibilities. For example, if he has to cancel a date because one of his kids is sick, you might ask if he needs you to go pick up anything at the pharmacy for them. What to Do: Look for little things that you can do that will show him that you're willing to help out when he needs it. Anything you can take off of his plate will make his life a little easier.
He's going to be very busy.
Be flexible and willing to work with his schedule. Remember that it's not that he doesn't want to spend time with you—it's just that he's got a lot on his plate. He has a lot of different demands to juggle each day and you don't want to add any pressure to that. Show early on that you're flexible and understanding about when you get to hang out. For example, you might leave the ball in his court to decide the dates and times when you're going to get together, rather than suggesting something or buying tickets in advance. What to Do: Don't take it personally if he has to cancel plans because something comes up. This is part of being flexible—sometimes, with kids, the unpredictable happens and you have to rearrange everything else in your life to accommodate that.
He can't be spontaneous.
Make plans well in advance so he can arrange for a sitter. Before a single dad is going to go out, he has to find a trustworthy, affordable babysitter to look after his kids—and this can take some time, especially if you're trying to make plans on a weekend. Surprising him with last-minute tickets to something probably won't work out the way you want. If spontaneity is important to you in a relationship, this might be something you have a hard time dealing with. What to Do: Work around it by planning the date and time in advance but leaving the specifics of what you'll do up in the air. This gives you a little room to be spontaneous in the moment.
He won't have a lot of free time to go on dates.
Focus on quality over quantity when it comes to time with a single dad. Make sure every time you hang out together is valuable for both of you because there's no way of knowing how often it's going to happen. Try to stay present and in the moment when you're with him and give him all of your focus and attention. For example, when the two of you go out, you might turn the ringer off on your phone so you won't be checking notifications every few minutes and can be more present. What to Do: Choose date activities that allow the two of you to focus on each other and build a stronger connection.
He'll likely prefer it if you have kids too.
Show him that the two of you have a lot in common. Sometimes, it's easier for a single dad to relate to someone who already has kids. If you have kids of your own, great! That's something the two of you have in common. But if you don't have kids, be ready to show him how much you have in common besides that huge lifestyle difference. For example, maybe you don't have kids but you keep your niece and nephew every day after school so you spend a lot of time with them. That tells him you like being around kids and know how to deal with them on a regular basis. What to Do: If you have kids, let him know as soon as possible. Talking about your kids can be a great ice-breaker during early dates.
He doesn't want your parenting advice.
Avoid criticizing or questioning decisions he makes with his kids. Even if you have kids of your own, remember that he is the parent of his kids—not you. It's fine if you think he's making a mistake, but it's usually better to keep your criticism to yourself. Just work on having a good, strong relationship with him, and remember that while you might be dating, you're not co-parenting. Be cautious even if he asks you for advice (which he might do if you also have kids). You might start by saying, "Of course we're not talking about my kids here, so the decision is ultimately up to you." That lets him know that you recognize your role in the situation and aren't trying to step on his toes. What to Do: After you meet his kids, focus on being their friend first as opposed to trying to act like another parent. Let him take the lead and make the decisions when it comes to parenting his kids.
He probably won't shower you with gifts.
Be prepared to go on fewer elaborate or fancy dates. Many single dads are dealing with a lot of financial demands, which means they likely won't have as much disposable income. Understand that sometimes it's very hard to manage your money as a single parent, so he probably won't have a lot to spare. What to Do: Suggest free or nearly-free outings to take some of the pressure off. For example, you might suggest a picnic in a park over dinner at a nice restaurant.
He wants to get to know you as a person.
Look for a more mature and serious relationship with a single dad. He's typically going to want to get to know you pretty well before he brings you around his kids—safety and trust are big concerns for single parents. This is a good thing for you because it gives you a chance to evaluate your values and ideas for the future and see if they align. Talking about these things helps you better determine if you're the right people for each other. The more you can learn about each other, the better—and ask these questions early on! For example, you wouldn't want to date a single dad for years before you found out he didn't want any more kids if you hoped to one day have kids of your own. What to Do: Be open and honest with him from the first date. Disclosing your thoughts and feelings will help build emotional and intellectual intimacy.
He prefers you to be independent.
Build a rich and fulfilling life apart from him. Because single dads are so busy, you'll have plenty of time on your own. He's not going to monopolize your time, so do things that fulfill you independently of your relationship—go out with your friends, play community league sports, join a book club, or whatever you enjoy doing with your time. Having your own interests also gives you something to talk to him about when you do hang out! He'll want to hear all about the things you do when he's not around. What to Do: Keep doing all of the activities you did before you started dating him. Tell him about the things you enjoy and what you enjoy about them. If you have kids of your own, you'll likely be super busy as well—another reason it's great for a single parent to date another single parent.
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