What to Do When Your Crush Calls You a Nerd (and What It Really Means)

What does it mean when my crush calls me a nerd?

They might just be kidding around. If your crush has known you for a while and if you’re already buddies, they probably think you understand their sense of humor. If they feel really relaxed around you, they’ll feel that they can get really silly around you. Confident and warm, open body language shows they're just being social. If they hang out with you a lot, it's a good sign that they appreciate your company and aren't trying to make you feel badly about yourself. They'll probably also follow up with compliments about your intelligence.

They may be throwing out a random comment to cover up a crush. This person might really like you, but they’re not ready to admit that. If they keep finding reasons to talk to you, that's a clue that they have some feelings for you. Maybe they’ve developed an interest in you over time and after getting to know you, or they’ve admired you from a distance. They might also bring up a common interest and say something like, "You play that video game, too? You nerd!" If they keep making the same running joke, they might want to stand out so you remember them.

They may be insecure about their own performance in school. If your crush feels like they’re behind on their work, your success will remind them that they’re struggling. When they see you shine academically, they may start to doubt themselves and act like hard work doesn’t really matter. You might hear them complain about school or their grades throughout the day. When your crush sees you get an "A" or hear a teacher compliment you, they'll probably secretly compare themselves to you, then make a rude comment. They'll probably need a little encouragement in order to calm down and not focus so much on what you're doing.

They may be acting out and bullying you. In this case, your crush might be really aggressive or very focused on social status. If they’re worried about their reputation and want to seem “popular,” they might call you names to earn the approval of others. Your crush probably also wants to set themselves apart from anyone who doesn’t seem “cool” or who doesn’t prioritize popularity. The person you like might say something rude just because they think it makes them look more “tough” or powerful. If your crush just wants to lash out, they’re probably struggling at home or with some personal issues. That still doesn’t excuse their behavior, though, and you should report them to people you trust.

What do I say if they’re being playful?

Laugh it off and joke with them to lighten the mood. Remind them that you can take the comment because it’s obviously just for fun. Smile, stick your tongue out, or use any other goofy expression or body language. Get super silly to prove you’re totally fine with the situation. “Thank you for noticing!” “You’re the best!” “Aw! You’re too good to me!”

Be a little sarcastic to add some edge to the convo. Keep a straight face and stick to dry humor. Act bored to really sell your joke. If you have a totally calm tone of voice, your crush will really respect that you can make it through the whole back-and-forth without cracking up. “Gee, thanks.” “So great to be appreciated. So great.” “Wow, you deserve a medal for that pep talk.”

Get really dramatic and pretend you’re hurt to show off some flair. Feel free to get super theatrical—place your hand over your heart, pout, or stumble backwards. Then, make a sad comment that’s totally phony and all in good fun. “How could you say that to me?!” “You know I was trying to hide my secret identity!” “Ouch! There goes my ego!”

What do I say if they’re hiding a crush?

Be a little sassy in order to turn up the heat. If you playfully call your crush out, they might just confess they’re into you. Get frisky and show some attitude to start flirting. Channel your inner cool kid and show the “nerd” label doesn’t bother you're so confident in yourself. “Yeah? What are you going to do about it?” "Wow, rude! You’re lucky I like you.” “So, are you into nerds?” "Come on, girl! It's okay to admit you have a soft spot for nerds." "Didn't you know? Smart guys love a good nerd."

Be really sweet and take it as a compliment. Wink or smile and get a little sentimental. Tell your crush you really appreciate what they said. Use a happy, upbeat tone and explain why you’re flattered. When they hear how positive you are, they’ll feel less shy about their crush. “You’re just so sweet!” “Could you get any nicer? What a way to my heart!” “Wow! The girl I never thought would talk to me is giving me the time of day!” ”Just what I needed! A cute boy calling me a ‘nerd.’ Lucky me!” “Love how honest you are. Thanks for appreciating the real me!”

Use it as a chance to ask your crush on a date. If you want to take a risk that could really pay off, be super straightforward and just check if they’re interested in you. You can also just skip the small talk and invite them out. You’ll help them loosen up and finally drop the act. “You pay a lot of attention to me! What’s that all about?” “Do you want to keep making fun of me, or do you want to hang out?” “If I’m the nerd you check out, that makes you…the girl of my geeky dreams.” “You’re a guy that knows what he likes! Seems like it’s me, right?” “Good one! I’m going to be really bold here—can I take you out?

What do I say if they’re insecure?

Share your challenges so your crush feels less badly about their schoolwork. If they’re worried about being judged because of their work ethic or grades, help keep the pressure off them. Point out that your classwork isn’t always easy for you either. When you try to relate with them, they’ll probably be less defensive. “Hey, I’m just doing what I can do to get by. This class is intense!” “Believe it or not, my life doesn’t revolve around school!” “Eh, if you say so. I’m kind of tired and feel like I’m juggling a lot, actually.”

Keep it upbeat to motivate your crush to act like you. Say school adds a ton of value to your life. If you’re optimistic that all your hard work will make everything easier for you in the end, you might really inspire your crush. Just hold your head up high and stay proud of yourself. “You’re right, I probably am! I think it’s going to pay off, though.” “Just fighting the good fight. Nerds are what the world needs right now!" “Isn’t it great? How else would I pull this all off?!”

Act like you’re not bothered so this person just leaves you alone. Even if you have a crush on them, you deserve someone who treats you nicely. Make a brief comment and keep emotions out of it. You’ll be able to focus on the rest of your life and move on. “Okay, and? I like this about myself.” “I mean…it’s school. What else am I supposed to do?” “Cool story! I’m off to go be nerdy.”

What do I say if they’re bullying me?

Let your crush know you’ll defend yourself and take action. Any bullying is inexcusable, and in order for the person to stop, they need to understand there will be consequences. Draw the line and tell them you won’t accept their treatment. If you’re worried about your safety, walk away. Then, confide in someone who can directly address the bully and intervene. “You really need to stop. This isn’t okay.” “You shouldn’t treat anyone this way.” “If you don’t leave me alone, I’ll go and report this.”

Tell your crush you won’t take it personally—bullying is about them, not you. Say that you’ll just ignore their comments. Point out that you don’t know each other well, then acknowledge that you know they’re acting out. “You don’t even know me. I can’t take anything you say seriously.” “Okay, sure. Whatever you say. Sounds like you’re just having a bad day.” “Um…we don’t even have a class together. Anyway, see ya!”

Encourage your crush to seek help if you have enough energy. Be kind, look them in the eyes, and ask about what they’re going through. Tell them that you think they could use some extra support. They might take your words seriously and find a new way to handle their negative emotions. “Hey… are you doing okay?” “There has got to be a better way to deal with your anger.” “Just between you and me, maybe you should go to the school counselor.”

What are other words like "nerd" that my crush might call me?

"Geek." A "geek" is just as brainy as a nerd, but they usually like "fandoms," or fan communities. Sci-fi, fantasy, and anime are sometimes seen as "geeky," but a lot of other fun hobbies can be called that word, too. Your crush might have the same "geeky" interests you have and want to bond with you over them.

"Dork." A "dork" is usually someone who doesn't care about trends or what everyone else likes. Sometimes, a "dork" is a person who behaves unlike others around them. For example, a "dork" might be really creative or goofy. When the person you like calls you a "dork," they might really appreciate that you're so different and unique.