What are affirmations?
Positive affirmations are simply positive statements you say to yourself. They're often used to build up your confidence in difficult situations and can help you overcome negative thoughts that cause you to doubt yourself. They help you focus on what's good about yourself rather than getting bogged down in your perceived faults. The most effective affirmations are short statements that you've created yourself and can easily remember. A short statement is key because, for affirmations to work, you need to repeat them over and over.
Do affirmations work?
Yes, positive affirmations can help you believe in yourself. If you have a relatively negative mindset, it can limit you and cause you to doubt yourself. That means you're potentially missing out on a lot of really great experiences! With positive affirmations, you can take a step towards overcoming your fears and facing challenges with courage and belief in yourself. Life coach Michael Stern emphasizes that "affirmations are intended to counter [your] self-limiting habits of mind and behavior, and those habits are typically rooted in a distorted view of reality. So affirmations should be rooted in a clearer view of reality, a more objective truth." Another thing you want to do is avoid toxic positivity. For your affirmations to work, it's really important that you believe them. If they're too over-the-top, your mind won't accept them as truth and they likely won't have much effect.
Creating Your Own Affirmations
Brainstorm potential targets for affirmations. These could be negative thoughts that you want to replace with more positive ones or goals that you want to achieve. Awareness is really important if you want to use affirmations effectively, so dig really deep to find those negative thoughts that are limiting you or holding you back. Certified life coach Sydney Axelrod recommends asking yourself "What is the story I'm telling myself, what is the belief that's causing me to tell this story?" If you're working towards a goal, use SMART goals where possible, even if the overall goal is more ongoing. Choose something that has a specific deadline (shorter ones may work best to start), even if it's just one step towards an ongoing, overall goal. Life coach Michael Stern notes that "when your short-term goals are clearly connected to the bigger picture of what you ultimately want in life, and who you want to become, then it's easy to remember why you're doing what you're doing."
Prioritize your list to focus on what's most important. Rank the thoughts you've listed in terms of where you want your focus to be right now. Life coach Michael Stern advises that you "prioritize the changes that you believe will have the biggest overall impact on your life—don't try to change everything all at once." Often the biggest issues, the negative thoughts that you find coming up over and over in a variety of contexts, are the ones that will make the biggest change in your life once you replace them with positive thoughts.
Make a list of your positive attributes. Think about some of your strengths as well as things you're really good at. If you're having a hard time, ask a close friend or family member who loves you what they think your best qualities are. For example, you might write things like, "I can speak 4 languages," or "I play guitar well." It's really important that you choose positive attributes that really resonate with you and that you're proud of. The more personal this is to you, the stronger your affirmation will be.
Use your positive attributes to create a personal affirmation. Start your affirmation with "I am," if you can, then list the positive attributes you've chosen. If you're simply trying to counter a negative thought, that's all you need to do! But if you're focusing on a particular goal, add it to the end of your affirmation. For example, you might write, "I am determined and intelligent and I will earn at least a B in my class." Life coach Sandra Possing recommends that you "just create these present tense statements that help you start to practice believing something that you don't yet believe."
Repeat your affirmation 3 times a day for about 5 minutes. Repetition is perhaps the most important thing about a self-affirmation practice. The more you repeat an affirmation, the more familiar and accessible it becomes in your mind. Over time, your mind will start to reach for that thought rather than the negative thought when a triggering situation comes up. Life coach Sandra Possing recommends that you "say them out loud, don't just read them off a piece of paper, say them out loud several times every day and say them while looking at yourself in the eyes in the mirror. So you're making eye contact with yourself, hearing yourself say the new belief, and then... because your brain is hearing the statement in your own voice, it starts to believe it even faster." Certified life coach Sydney Axelrod notes that this is a practice and you have to be patient because it can take some time to shift "into a new belief that's more skillful and more supportive and practice living into that." Axelrod also emphasizes that a big part of the power of affirmations is "saying it over and over, even if it doesn't feel true for you. It can feel kind of cheesy, but it's just getting comfortable in that feeling of being uncomfortable saying something that doesn't ring true, but practicing it until it does."
Getting the Most from Affirmations
Use your affirmations as a guide for change. Affirmations can help rewire your brain to think more positively, but that's only a small piece of the puzzle. Let your affirmations guide you so that you can find ways to change your behavior to match, then you can find the courage to start acting in line with your affirmations and your core values. Life coach Michael Stern notes that "by focusing on developing [your] own self-esteem and cultivating [your] core values, [you] will naturally begin to let go of anything that does not serve [you]." For example, if you have an affirmation about getting a promotion at work, you might take action by writing a letter to your boss with a strong proposal that outlines the reasons you deserve the promotion.
Write out your affirmations in addition to saying them aloud. Writing your affirmations down uses a different part of your brain than when you say them aloud, so this really helps reinforce them in your mind. You can also practice this if you're in public and don't want to repeat the affirmation aloud. You might also record yourself repeating your affirmation so you can play it back and listen to it every so often throughout the day.
Meditate on your affirmations. Meditation is a powerful tool that can give your affirmations a boost in rewiring your brain and changing your thoughts. Take a moment to still yourself and focus on your breath, then replace that focus with a focus on your affirmation, repeating it silently to yourself in your mind. If you find your mind drifting away from the affirmation, simply acknowledge that you drifted and gently draw your attention back to the mantra. If you recorded yourself saying the mantra, play your recording back while you meditate as an audio guide.
Post your affirmations in important places. If you see your affirmation all the time, it will become more familiar in your mind. Certified life coach Sydney Axelrod recommends having "a visual cue that can remind you of it throughout the day or like wearing a certain piece of jewelry that can remind you of it so you can bring it to the forefront of your consciousness more and more." Write your affirmations on sticky notes and leave them in places where you'll see them often, such as on your mirror, your car dashboard, or your computer. You might also slip one into your wallet or purse so it will always be with you.
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