How to Talk to a Girl You Like for the First Time

Breaking the Ice

Just say something to get the conversation going. The longer you wait to say something, the more likely you won't do it. You don't necessarily have to say anything brilliant! You just need to get the conversation going. Even a simple "Hi!" can do it. You could also try saying something playful, like "I need help! I just can't make up mind. It's killing me. Should I get the chocolate chip cookie or the brownie?"

Make a comment about something you have in common to spark her interest. Believe it or not, you have something in common with everyone you meet! You just have to look around you and figure out what it is. Find something you can use to start a conversation. It doesn't have to be anything big. If you're at a coffee shop, you might say, "There's nothing like a warm cup of coffee on a cold day, is there?"

Request something from her to encourage her to like you. No, don't go up and ask her for $100. Rather, ask her for a small favor. It seems weird, but when you ask someone for a favor, they want to give it to you. In fact, it tends to make them like you more. Keep it simple, like "Could you pass the salt?" or "Would you mind handing me that creamer?"

Calm yourself down with deep breaths if you're feeling a little anxious. It's natural to get butterflies before you go and talk to someone you like! If you're nervous, try taking deep breaths. Close your eyes and breathe in through your nose to the count of 4. Hold it for 4 counts, then breathe out to the count of 4. Make sure you're taking deep breaths from your abdomen area. Do this breathing exercise a few times to help calm your nerves. You can also take a few minutes to bolster yourself. Tell yourself you can do this! Also, put in perspective. What's the worst that could happen? If she doesn't want to talk to you, it will hurt, but it won't be the end of the world.

Continue the conversation by responding to her statements. You'll need to go back and forth when talking to the girl you like! If she says something in response to your statement or question asking for a favor, talk back to her. Try to keep the topics happy and cheerful, as this is your first meeting. For instance, she might say, "Yes, coffee is the best! It warms me up from the inside!" You could say, "I know! What's your favorite type of coffee drink?"

Stay confident to show you're interested. When you're having a conversation with a girl for the first time, you may start to second-guess yourself or read things she's saying in a negative way. If you can, try to combat these thoughts. Keep smiling and asking questions. Stand up tall and speak in a clear voice. Most people find confidence attractive. Even if you're not feeling confident, faking confidence is often enough. Plus, faking it with body language will make you feel more confident!

Preparing to Make a Move

Smile at her and see if she returns it. A smile is a good indication she may want to talk to you. Flashing her a smile indicates you're happy to see her. If she gives you one back, you may want to approach her. Look at her eyes to see if her smile seems real. If a smile is genuine, it will reach all the way to her eyes, and you'll be able to tell. If she's just being polite and smiling at you, the smile will look a little fake instead. Check to see if the smile lifts her cheeks and crinkles her eyes, which is a sign it's genuine.

See if she holds your gaze for a moment. Don't try to stare her down! However, if you catch her gaze, hold it for a few seconds while you smile at her. If she holds it, too, she may be showing signs of interest in you.

Watch for other signs of positive body language. Positive body language indicates she may be open to talking to you. You may notice she points her body your direction or that she uncrosses her arms or legs. She might play with her hair or fidget with her clothing. Alternatively, if you see negative body language, you may want to wait to approach her. Signs of negative body language include her crossing her limbs, turning away from you, frowning, holding her body stiffly, or looking off to the side.

Wait for another opportunity if she looks like she's having a bad day. If she's upset or looking sad, wait for another day. You're trying to approach her because you like her, but she's probably not in the frame of mine to reciprocate when she's in a bad mood. Similarly, if she looks like she's hard at work on something, it's not the best time to approach.

Moving Forward with the Conversation

Listen to what she has to say. Any conversation is about give and take. Make sure to focus on what the person is actually saying so that you can respond to her. If you're not listening to her, the conversation will end quickly! No one likes to hear someone go on and on about themselves for 30 minutes. Encourage her to talk about herself instead!

Use open-ended questions to continue the conversation. An open-ended question is just one that makes her give an answer besides "yes" or "no." It lets her talk about herself, which she'll likely be happy to do as long as she's not too shy. For example, instead of asking, "Do you like rock music?" you could ask, "What's your favorite kind of music?" If she gives a short answer, ask a follow-up question, like "Who's your favorite pop singer?"

Talk about yourself some. If she asks you questions, answer them honestly. While you don't want to drone on about yourself, the conversation should go back and forth. If you're not willing to talk about yourself at all, she may wonder what's wrong with you.

End the conversation on a positive note. If things are going well, try to set up something for another time. For instance, you could ask for her number so you could text or call, or you could ask for her social media handles so you can contact her that way. You could also open up the possibility for hanging out some other time. For instance, you might say, "Hey, you feel like getting coffee sometime?"

Leave her alone if she doesn't want to talk. While it can make you sad or depressed if a girl doesn't want to talk to you, you still have to respect what she wants. If she doesn't want to have a conversation or doesn't want to go out with you, say "Thanks anyway!" and walk away. It can be painful, but don't take it personally. You don't know what's going on in her head right now. She might just be too worried about her grade right now to think about going out with anyone. EXPERT TIP John Keegan John Keegan Dating Coach John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health. John Keegan John Keegan Dating Coach Don't go into the conversation like a bull in a china shop. If you come on too strong the first time you talk, it might be too much for her. Instead, go in soft and without an agenda. Give her enough space and distance so that she doesn't feel like her body space is invaded or that she can't easily exit the situation.