How to Get a Guy to Always Want to Talk to You

Making First Connections

Make a funny or playful observation to break the ice. One way to break the ice is to pay attention to what is going on around you. Find something in your environment that you can make a funny comment about. For example, if it is lunch and the food hasn’t arrived yet and you two are waiting outside in the heat, you can something silly like, “Do you think they’re going to get us water for this wait, or do they just want us to die?” Guys find playfulness attractive in girls, and it will give you something to make a little bond over. Even if you don’t think of yourself as a funny person, you can still be playful. This playfulness can help make the conversation fun and low pressure. Remember that getting the conversation started is most important thing. Don’t worry too much about how the ice breaker goes. Focus instead on continuing your conversation.

Show him that you are enjoying yourself in conversation. One way to get a guy to like talking to you is if you seem like you are having a good time talking with him. A few ways you can show you are having fun is if you make eye contact, smile often, laugh genuinely, and lean forward slightly when you are talking. When you are talking, tilt your head to one side, smile and touch your hair, neck or clothes. But don’t over think it, just do what feels natural as well. Your nonverbal signals should just show him that you are having a good time. Let him know you like messaging with him if you are mostly messaging. For example, you can say something like, “I think you’re pretty fun to text with.”

Be confident in who you are, and enjoy yourself in his company. Write down the things that make you awesome. Knowing why you are awesome and not being afraid to show it attracts others. Do not be afraid to make mistakes around him. Be authentic to the real you, quirks and all. Relax and laugh when you make mistakes, everyone does. Do not act like someone you think that he would like instead of being yourself. Imagine if someone were acting in a certain way to please you, would you like that? Probably not.

Hang out with other people who bring out the best version of you with him. Enjoy laughing and hanging out with other people in his company. Showing him that you are fun, independent and have your own friends is important to establish. This will show him that friends are important to you and will help him see what you are in like with other people. It could make him a little jealous (in a good way) and maybe he’ll want to hang out with you more than before.

Follow him on social media. If you don’t have a social media account and he is active on social media, get an account. Like or retweet something that he has posted. If you are both on your social media, this could be a good way to start talking. Liking and retweeting things he posts on his social media can help build up your friendship and give you an idea of the things he likes. Also, liking his posts will help you to know what is going on with him. After liking a couple of things that he has posted, you should write a comment on a post or send him a message. Do not like everything he posts. Choose one or two things that you genuinely like, and space out the time between your likes to every few days. If you send too much attention to him, it may come off like you are trying too hard or creepy.

Post things on your social media. If you have been liking or commenting on his posts, post things that shows him what you are into. He should see your interests just as much as you should see his. For example, share beautiful or interesting pictures that you have taken, or find funny gifs, pictures or quotes from the internet which you can post along with a comment about why you like it. For example, if he writes a lot of posts about bands he likes and there is a band you both like, you can post one of the band’s music videos or the lyrics from one of their songs with a comment about why you like it. Stay true to yourself. Only post things that you genuinely like and are a part of who you are. It can come off fake if you are posting about things you haven’t shown any interest in before.

Comment on his posts. You should make a comment on a post that he writes early after it has been posted. If you write the comment early, he will be more likely to respond. Consider praising the post, asking a question about it, or commenting about something you find interesting. For example, if he writes a post about going to a show of the band you like, you can respond by saying, “I am so jealous you got to see them! Did you think they were good live?”. Avoid commenting too often. Make sure to space out your comments.

Move on if he doesn’t seem interested in you. If he seems distant or aloof and isn’t responding to you much, he may not be interested. Luckily, there will be other guys who will want to talk to you and who you can have a great connection with. Instead of thinking about the interaction with this guy as a failure, think about the interactions you have had with him as good practice for having a conversation with another guy down the road.

Making Your Connection Stronger

Ask him his opinions on things that you have in common. After you have made your first connections, you want to continue messaging him and having conversations to keep the connection you have made with him strong. One way to make your connection stronger and keep your conversation interesting is to ask him his opinions on things. Whatever you have in common, be it books, movies, food, etc, think about good questions to ask him that are open ended and will start interesting conversation. For example, if you both love Harry Potter, you can ask, “So what do you think is the best Harry Potter book?” And feel free to completely agree or disagree with him. These kinds of disagreements can lead to banter and can be pretty fun to have. You can start by telling him something that you have an opinion of and then ask his opinion on it. This question can also be related to the context of where you are or what you are doing. For example, if you are eating an apple at lunch, you could say, “I think that Granny Smith are the best apples period, but out of curiosity, what kind of apple is your favorite?” Once again, being playful is a good way to make your conversation more fun, especially when you are talking about simple topics and just getting your conversation going. Come up with a few different questions you can ask him before you talk to him because topics of conversation can go more quickly than you realize.

Playfully disagree and banter with him. He will want to keep talking to you if you have fun when you talk. An example of banter is if you raise an eyebrow when he tells you that his favorite apple is Red Delicious, and you say something silly like, “You are saying you like Red Delicious apples best? Well I guess we can’t all be perfect.” Guys like this kind of silly banter because it is low pressure and fun. Banter is great because you two don’t have to talk about anything in particular, but you are still making a connection. Practice bantering with your friends and family. Find silly things to disagree with them on. Playfully disagreeing can be good for your other relationships too.

Avoid asking him questions he already knows the answer to. Try not to use small talk or getting to know you questions like “What’s going on?” or “So where are you from?”. These questions are not very interesting and you won’t learn much about him because he may give you an answer that he has already used many times before. You want him to come away from this conversation excited to talk to you again, so stay away from small talk.

Boost his confidence. Everyone wants to feel good about themselves, and if you can provide that for him, he will most likely want to keep talking to you. So get good at telling him why you like him with small, genuine compliments. You don’t have to make it a big deal- you can casually tell him why he is great. In fact, avoid making a big show of it. For example, while you are walking somewhere and if you notice he is usually good with directions, you can say “I like that you always seem to know how to get us where we are going.”

Learn how and when to end a conversation. One way to keep your guy wanting to talk to you more is if you leave the conversation at the right time. The best way to end a conversation is to first find a place after you have made good connections and before the conversation has started to wind all the way down. Then think about why you need to get home, and after you have laughed or made a connection about something, let him know you need to get going. Make sure you tell him you really enjoyed yourself and look forward to talking to him again. Be casual and cool when you end the conversation. Say something like “Hey, it was so fun talking to you. I think I need to get home and get on my homework, but I really look forward to hanging out with you soon.” Make good eye contact with him when you leave. Let your eye contact linger a second longer and smile at him a little brighter or slyer when you do.

Follow up with texts or messages regularly. Depending on your conversation style and the guy you like, regularly can mean different things. Start messaging him every couple of days, and if he is prompt or slow with his answers, you can message more often or less often. Send him playful or funny comments or questions that engage him. For example, ask him for updates on how things are going. You can ask him something like, “Hey, how is that midterm paper coming?”. Or tell him about something interesting that happened to you or that relates to him from your day. You can say something like, “Remember eating peanut butter sandwiches because the food trucks were late? I can see B lunch is eating all of our food.” Try to vary the kinds of messages you send. Don’t only ask for updates or say funny things. Try to do a combination of questions and funny comments.

Making the Connection Deeper

Do side by side activities with him. Some guys bond with people by doing things instead of through talking. He might feel closer to you if you do side by side activities together. Examples of side by side activities would be playing sports, playing a game, or working on a project together. Pay attention to the kinds of activities that he likes to do, and do those activities with him. For example, if he likes to do outdoors activities like shooting, have him teach you how to shoot a gun. Or if there is a game that he likes to play, learn how to play too. Even if you don’t know how to do the activities that he likes to do, it can mean a lot to him if you try to learn. Enjoy yourself while you are out with him. Laugh aloud at your mistakes, ask lots of questions, and talk to the other people who are doing the activity too. Even if he is a guy who enjoys talking, it might build your relationship in a new way if you do side by side activities together. If you want to hang out virtually, try cooking something together over a video chat.

Get to know about his interests and the important relationships in his life. Some guys do feel connected with girls based on their feelings and talking, and even guys who may not be always excited to talk about their feelings may want to talk to you about the things they care about once they are really comfortable with you. After you have spent quality time getting to know him, you should move on to getting to know him on a deeper level. He will feel closer to you and rely on you more if you know more about what he cares about and the history of his life. These kinds of conversations are great to have at night. You should ask him questions about important times in his past, the important relationships in his life, and the things he cares about. For example, you can ask him, “Which of your interests means the most to who you are, and why do you care so much about it?” Or ask him, “Who in your family do you think you are the closest with and why?”. These questions can be really simple but listening well will help you have a really meaningful conversation with him.

Find a quiet place for a conversation where you won’t be interrupted. For your conversation, sit across from him or in a position where you can see his face and hear him well. Ask him questions about him and use the following listening skills to have a great conversation with him. Show him in your body posture that you are listening. Make eye contact, nod your head and react to him with small noises or gestures while he is speaking. Give him the right amount of distance. If you stand too close, you may come off as overly interested and stifling while standing too far away will make you seem distant. Give him space to talk but position yourself so that you can hear and see him well. Restate the main idea of what he is saying. This will let him know that you really understand the point what he is saying. If he is talking about his frustrating day, for example, you can summarize the most important parts of what he has said so far. For example, you could say, “So you are saying that you didn’t understand why your brother was acting up until you saw what was going on with him at school.” Be empathetic to his feelings. Empathy means you can understand the feeling that he experienced even if you do not share a common feeling. For example, you can combine restating his main idea and being empathetic by saying something like, “You must have felt so frustrated to have to retake that test after you studied so hard the first time.” It is important to tell him that you understand the feelings he has and the reasons why he feels the way he does.

Express yourself back to him. Don’t forget to put yourself out there, too. If you really like him, you could feel shy talking about yourself, but he will build a better connection with you if you can talk to him about the things that you care about, too. Tell him about the important relationships in your life, the big experiences that you are going through, and the good things that you love in your life. As before, make eye contact with him when you talk, use your gestures to express your feelings, and let your tone of voice express what you mean. He will be better able to connect and care for you when he is able to understand what important stuff that is going on with you.

Be there during hard times as a confidant. Everyone needs someone to lean on during hard times. If you can be that person for him, you will build a really strong bond that will make him feel close to you. There are lots of things you can do to be there for him in hard times. For example, if you know he has been struggling with his grades and is going to have a difficult conversation with his teacher, send him a text encouraging him before he goes into talk. You can say something like, “Good luck- I know you’ll be able work it out because you always do.” Then after his talk with his teacher ask him how it went, and let him know you are there if he wants to talk. Sometimes people would rather be distracted when they are going through something hard. In that case, send him funny texts that make him laugh. If he tells you that he is having a hard time with something, ask him if he wants to get together and talk about it. Or you can let him know that you are there for him if he just wants to hang out and chill. If you can be there for him during hard times, this will make your connection deeper and make him more likely to go to you the next time something good or bad happens with him.

Ask him for help. Guys like it when they feel needed. If something is going on with you that you need help with, let him know, and ask for his help in advance. For example, if you need help painting posters after school for a club, ask him if there is a day he is available to help you. When he gets there make sure that you have something for him to do. Accomplishing tasks together is a great way to bond people together in new ways.