Hilarious Cowboy Jokes
These cowboy jokes are a rootin’ and tootin’ good time! Whether you’re headed down to the rodeo or just reminiscing on your Wild West phase as a kid, these jokes are perfect for cowboy and Western fans everywhere. Why are cowboy hats curled up on the side? So they can fit 3 in a pickup truck. How do German cowboys greet each other? “Audi, partner!” How did the cowboy save so much money? His horse gave him a couple of bucks every day. Who wears a cowboy hat, a black leather jacket with studs, cowboy boots, a big silver belt buckle, and black lipstick? Goth Brooks. Why did the cowboy want to buy a dachshund? To git a long little doggie. What’s it called when cowboys eat beans at high noon? A toot-out at the O.K. Corral. Three cowboys are riding in a truck, all dressed head-to-toe identically. Who is the smartest? The one in the middle because he doesn’t have to drive or open the gate. Why did the cowboy break up with his guitar? It had too many strings attached. Why did the cowgirl take a nap on the haystack? She wanted to hit the hay. Why did the cowboy bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house. What’s a cowboy’s favorite dessert? Cow pies à la mode. Why did the cowboy bring his ladder to the cattle ranch? He wanted to seem the “high steaks” action. How did the catholic cowboy greet his priest for confession? “Howdy, pardoner!” How did the cowboy greet the equestrian? “Howdy Neigh-bor.” Why are cowboys prone to gambling? Because they're always raising the steaks.
Short Cowboy Jokes
These cowboy jokes are short, sweet, and to the point. Who says you need a million words to make a good cowboy joke? These quick jokes have short setups and even shorter punchlines about everything from rodeos to beans: What dinosaur would you find in a rodeo? A bronco-saurus. Which football team do cowboys support? Spurs. What are cowboys bad at math? They’re always rounding things up. Why do cowboys ride horses? They’re too heavy to carry. What did the cowboy say to the pencil? Draw. What do cowboys call midnight? High moon. How do you warm up a frozen cowboy? Yee thaw! Is a cowboy with his foot across the Canadian border in Canada? Just aboot. How do space cowboys wrangle their cattle? A tractor beam. Where do cowboys cook their beans? On the range. What did the cowboy say when his dog went missing? Doggone! Why did the cowboy pinstripe his truck? He needed a pickup line. What illness can cowboys catch from their horses? Bronc-itis. What do you call a retired old cowboy? De-ranged. What do you call a cowboy who works in finance? A loan arranger.
One-Liner Cowboy Jokes
These witty one-liners are perfect for sneaking in a quick laugh. These one-liners pack a mighty punch in just one or two sentences (and they make you sound really clever!). Next time cowboys come up in conversation, be ready to strike with a witty zinger like these: I’m making a new cowboy film called The Sun. It’s set in the west. Did you hear about the cowboy who died with his boots on? He didn’t want to stub his toe when he kicked the bucket. A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, “Sure, that’s 20 cows.” A cowboy rides into town wearing a paper suit and a paper hat. He wasn’t in town five minutes before he was arrested for rustling. Cowboys don’t roll joints. They tumble weed. A cowboy emigrated to Wales and opened a ranch at Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch. Unfortunately, none of his cattle survived the branding. I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided completely if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone. How did the cowboy do that? I ask you again: Howdy do? Cowboys always bring extra hay to the party—they know how to bale on time. A cowboy’s horse kept interrupting his jokes. Turns out, it was a neigh-sayer.
Cowboy Jokes for Kids
Gather ‘round the campfire for some family-friendly cowboy humor! Young cowboys and cowgirls will get a hoot out of these silly jokes and puns about life in the Wild West, horses, and yep, you guessed it—just a little bit of fart humor. What sweet treat does a happy cowboy enjoy? A Jolly Rancher. Why didn’t the vegetarian cowboy complain about anything? They didn’t have any beef. What is a cowgirl’s favorite American state? Moo York. Where do cowboys have their lunch? The calf-eteria. Why did the cowboy get very little work done? They were too busy horsing around! What do ghost cowboys wear on their feet? Boooooots. What time is it when a cow sits on your cowboy hat? Time to get a new cowboy hat! What does a teenage cowboy say when he throws someone out of the saloon? “Yeet haw!” What do you call a dinosaur wearing a cowboy hat and boots? Tyrannosaurus Tex. How did the cowgirl know his cattle were following him without turning around? She herd them! What did the cowboy say to the old man when he accused him of farting? “Darn tootin’!” If a cowboy rides into town on Friday and three days later, leaves on Friday, how does he do it? The horse’s name is Friday. What do you call a cowboy who’s good at math? A cow-culator. Waddaya get when you cross a cowboy with an Egyptian Pharaoh? Darn Toot-ankhamun! What do you call a gassy cowboy? Wyatt Burp.
Cowboy Dad Jokes & Puns
Get ready to groan—it’s time for corny dad jokes! Sometimes, a joke is so bad that it’s actually hilarious (cowboy jokes included!). That’s why we gathered the cheesiest dad jokes and puns about cowboys on the Internet to put a reluctant smile on your face. What did the cowgirl say at her second rodeo? “This ain’t my first rodeo!” Did you hear about the cowboy film about the sun? It’s set in the west! Which cowboy film star doesn’t have any money? Skint Eastwood. Why do Canadian cowboys have sticky feet? Maple stirrups! What kind of car does a cowboy drive? Audi! What does it mean if you find a horseshoe? There’s a horse walking around in their socks! What’s a cowboy’s least favorite car? A cattle-lack. What do you call someone who wears cowboy clothes? Ranch dressing. What do you call a frog who wants to be a cowboy? Hopalong Cassidy. What do you call a low-calorie meal for a cowboy? A saddle light dish. What do cowboys tell their cows after an argument? “Turn the udder cheek and moooove on!” How do cowboys keep their cattle quiet? They press the mooooote button. What’s it called when a cowgirl dies and comes back to life? Reintarnation. Two cowboys are lost in a desert. One cowboy sees a tree full of bacon and shouts, “It’s a bacon tree; we’re saved!” He runs toward the tree and gets shot. It wasn’t a bacon tree. It was a hambush. Why was the cowboy sad? He couldn’t giddy-up.
Dark & Dirty Cowboy Jokes for Adults
These spicy cowboy jokes are definitely NSFW. Lassos, chaps, gun-slinging manly men—there’s quite a bit of fodder for some sexy humor when cowboys are involved. Whether you like dark humor, spicy pickup lines, or just plain dirty jokes, these quips are for you: Why did the cowboy bring a saddle to his date? He wanted to be prepared for a wild ride. Why do cowboys make great lovers? Because they know how to handle the reins. Are you a lasso? Because you’ve got me all tied up. Cowboys always know the ropes—especially in the bedroom. A shy cowboy goes into a bar and sees a nice-looking cowgirl sitting on a barstool. He doesn't know how to approach her, so he just takes a seat somewhere else. After a while, he gets an idea. He gets up, pulls out his gun, and shoots and kills everyone in the room, but her. He goes to her and says, “Now what is a nice-looking lady like yourself doing here all alone?” A Texas cowboy was walking down the road when a little old lady walked up to him and asked, “Are you one of those cowboys everybody talks about?” “Why yes, ma'am, I am,” he replied. “The ones who ride around on horses and herd cattle?” she continued. “Yes, ma'am, I am.” “The kind who ties up those calves and brands them?” she inquired. “Yes, ma'am, I am.” Obviously displeased, she scowled at him and said, “Well, you ought to be hung!” The cowboy smiled and replied, “Yes, ma'am, I am.” A Cowboy was told that if he sprinkled gunpowder on his breakfast, he'd live to a ripe old age. So he did this religiously, every morning. He lived to the ripe old age of 96. He left behind 8 children, 24 grandchildren, and 60 great-grandchildren, as well as a 16-foot hole in the wall of the crematorium. A cowboy walks into a saloon, naked except for his boots. “Where are your clothes at, Slim?” “Back at the barn. I was feeding the horses when a beautiful blonde drove up. She says, ‘I wanna show you something in the barn. Follow me.’ So I followed her. She says, ‘Take off all your clothes.’ So I do. Then she takes off her clothes and says, ‘You like what you see?’ I said, ‘Yes, ma’am, I do!’” Then she lies down on a blanket, all friendly-like, and says, ‘Well, then, go to town, Cowboy!’ So I pulled on my boots and here I am.”
Cowboy Story Jokes
Spin a yarn about cowboys that ends with a hilarious twist. It’s story time, Wild West-style! These jokes are a little longer than most—perfect for hooking (or lasso-ing?) your listener and building up to a big laugh. A cowboy is riding on his horse in a desert. Suddenly, he sees a man lying down with his ear to the ground. The man: “A carriage. Six horses. Three black, two brown, and one white.” The cowboy: “Wow! You can hear all of that?!” The man: “No, they just ran me over.” A woman stops at a rural gas station so her little boy can use the bathroom. When he comes out, his mom is standing in line at the register, and behind her is a cowboy! The boy is really excited. He goes up to the man and asks, “Excuse me, mister. Are you a real cowboy?” The cowboy says, “I sure am, son. You see this hat? It keeps the sun off my face. This bandana keeps the dust from the herd out of my mouth. These chaps keep the brush from tearing up my legs.” The boy looks at the cowboy's feet, and the cowboy says, “My tennis shoes keep people from thinking I'm a California truck driver.” A cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions. “Ever have an accident?” “Nope, nary a one.” “None? You've never had any accidents?” “Nope. Ain't had one. Never.” “Well, you said in this form that you were bitten by a snake once. Wouldn't you consider that an accident?” “Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose.” One day, while a cowboy was building a barn, he lost his favorite book. A week later, one of his horses came up to him holding the book in its mouth. The cowboy was stunned. He took the book from the horse and said, “It’s a miracle!” “Not exactly,” said the horse. “Your name is written inside.” A cowboy stops his horse next to a saloon. He dismounts, enters the saloon, and tells the barman, “Twenty bottles of whiskey! My horse is thirsty.” The barman gives him the order, the cowboy pays, and the horse drinks it all. “Hey!” says the barman. “Ain't you going to order some for yourself?” “Are you nuts? I'm driving!” A cowboy is sitting in a saloon when he looks out the window and notices his horse has been stolen. He turns around and shouts out to the rest of the bar, “Alright, looks like one of you mangy dogs done stole my horse. Now, I'm going to go take a leak. And when I get back, my horse better be back outside...or else I'm going to have to do what I did back in El Paso...and I don't want to have to do what I did back in El Paso.” So he gets up, heads off to the toilet, and when he returned, sure enough, his horse was tied up outside right where he had left it. As he was saddling up, some of the people from inside the bar came out, “Hey, stranger. What was it you did in El Paso that you didn't want to do again?” The cowboy gets a far-off look in his eyes and says sadly, “I walked home.”
Jokes About the Dallas Cowboys
Make sure there aren’t any Cowboys fans nearby before you tell one of these! We couldn’t finish our list of cowboy jokes without mentioning the most famous team of cowboys of all—the Dallas Cowboys! Choose one of these wisecracks to pull out at your next NFL watch party: How many Dallas Cowboys does it take to change a tire? One, unless it’s a blowout, in which case they all show up. Did you hear the Cowboys had a touchdown in Chicago yesterday? It was at the airport! What do the Dallas Cowboys and a Chick-fil-A manager have in common? Neither one shows up for work on Sunday. What do the Cowboys and the post office have in common? Neither delivers on Sundays. What do you call a bunch of millionaires sitting around watching the Super Bowl on TV? The Dallas Cowboys. What do the Dallas Cowboys and possums have in common? Both play dead at home and get killed on the road! My vacuum broke, so I put a Dallas Cowboys sticker on it. It sucks again. A tornado warning in Dallas? Head to the Cowboys’ stadium. There are never any touchdowns there. What’s the difference between a Cowboys fan and a baby? A baby will stop whining after a while. How do you keep the Dallas Cowboys out of your yard? Put up goal posts. Never buy a blanket from the Dallas Cowboys store. They won’t cover anyone. Why is it considered safe to date a girl who’s a Dallas Cowboys fan? Because she will never expect a ring! The Cowboys are going to the Super Bowl next year. The whole team has already bought tickets. How do Dallas Cowboys fans count their wins? On one hand! What’s the difference between the Dallas Cowboys and a dollar bill? You can still get four quarters out of a dollar. How do Dallas Cowboys fans celebrate after a big win? By waking up—they were dreaming!
Fun Facts About Cowboys
Think you know everything about cowboys? Think again! These interesting and little-known facts about cowboys and the Wild West will impress anyone who’s a Western enthusiast, a history buff, or who just plain likes cowboys. The first cowboy hat was designed in 1865 by John Stetson, a hat maker, when he saw that locals had no durable hats to protect them from the sun. In Texas, there’s a smaller replica of the Eiffel Tower wearing a cowboy hat! Clint Eastwood—a famous Western movie actor—was actually allergic to horses! Many cowboys were former Civil War soldiers who couldn’t find work at home and decided to put their shooting skills to use out west. Cowboys are almost always white in movies and TV shows, but in real life, about a quarter of cowboys were black, and 45% of all cowboys were non-white. The “Wild West” actually used to be a part of Spain until the early 19th century. Later, it was ruled by Mexico until the Mexican-American War in 1848. In 1855, the US tried to import camels to lug materials across the western deserts. However, the experiment had to stop when the Civil War broke out. The famous Pony Express postal service only operated for 18 months from April 1860 to October 1861. The invention of the telegraph made the service obsolete. Billy the Kid—a famous Wild West outlaw—was actually a New Yorker!
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